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Sunday, August 21, 2005 9:18:00 PM

i need people by my side now. i feel so down. so out. so alone.
why? why is this happening? i don't know.
i was happy about an hour ago.
now, i'm down and out.
________________________________________________________
had lots of fun today. tuition was boring and unproductive as usual. went for lunch with ahma.
ahma, i'll be by you all the time. just gimme a call yeah. i love you so much.
________________________________________________________
went to do the fiming for jo. had fun too. i'm high all the time la. by myself. haha. it was fun. (: i love her teammates. and the actors too. yups. dam funky and cute. hee. =D
________________________________________________________
icf on friday. enrolment too. enrolment sucks, as expected. icf. okay la. wasn't paying attention most of the time. we were in a world of our own. hee. we acted like it was our icf. hee. exchanged lots of stuff. our personal life. everything. went for dinner after that. talked more. hee. decided on who's the first to be married and stuff. haha. dam fun.


concluded that mello's first child will be a guy. and she wants it to be a girl. too bad dear. guy it shall be. hee. and decided that i'll be the first to be married. haha. cos i do things on impluse. so i'll get married first. haha. dam funny la. and i'll be the first to be divorced too. like, i'll be married at 21, divorced by 21 1/2. haha. so me eh. and keep on changing boyfriends after that. and adopt like 4 kids. give birth to one. hee. and all our kids shall form a soccer team. haha. we do think far eh.
_________________________________________________________
thought about the previous topic a lot after friday. decided that i might just get back to my first husband at the end. when i'm like 50 and all alone. and he too. hee. think too much la. haha.
_________________________________________________________
by the way, my angel, can you leave a contact for me please. cos i might need to talk to you sometimes. and i can't possibly blog about all my deepest secret and all, right? just an email will do. yups. please. cos i think i'll need you a lot soon. (: love you.
__________________________________________________________
i am going to kill a lot of people tomorrow. actually only 2 la. haha. i am going to throw daggers at them. hahahhahaa. beware boys. hee.
__________________________________________________________
i still feel down. oh well. maybe the flu is making me feel like that. well. take care of yourself people. don't fall ill like me. yups. love you people. no kisses today. don't want to pass virus. yups. (:

*
Sunday, August 14, 2005 3:20:00 AM

time, seems to be moving too fast for me.
too fast.
i can't grasp it in my hand.
i can't...


don't leave me yet.
don't.
i don't want to face the cold, hard truth.
i can't accept you leaving.


why is everyone leaving?
why?
what happened to those times when we pledged till forever?
have they gone with the wind?


i can't accept this.
one by one, you disappear from my life.
one by one, you fade away.
one by one, followed by
another one by one.


time has past,
another has left.
nothing can't be said,
nothing can be done.


i...

*
3:10:00 AM

right now, i only need love from my friends. all of them. everyone is important to me now. at this period, i need you people. do you need me too?


it's the stress period for everyone. or so, i believe. for those with o's, n's, promos, tests, projects, everything. i miss all you people. i really do. especially those overseas or going overseas. chiayi, stepho, gita, everyone. i miss you guys.


all the friends whom i've drifted from. you know who you are. i still love you guys a lot. really. of cos, to all those who are dear and close to my heart, don't ever leave me. promise? i won't be able to cope if you guys leave.


no matter what, no matter where, no matter when, i love you guys. every single one of you. be it present or past. i love you.

*
Thursday, August 11, 2005 7:27:00 PM

I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
and I've been secretly falling apart,I'll see.
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
you'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
you turn every head but you don't see me.

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
and you'll realise that you love me.

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,sometimes,
the first thing you want never comes,
and I know, the waiting is all you can do,
sometimes...

I'll put a spell on you,
you'll fall asleep,
I'll put a spell on you,
and when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
and you'll realise that you love me.

I'll put a spell on you,
you'll fall asleep 'cos I'll put a spell on you,
and when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
and you'll realise that you love me, yeah...

by Aqualung


*
7:05:00 PM

i've been thinking. thinking about everything, everyone. i realised, the world is so imperfect. not like i didn't know before but it just hit me hard now.


i don't know. feel so lost. feel so alone. feel so empty.


i want to scream. i want to run. i want to...i don't know what i want.


Boulevard of Broken Dreams


I walk a lonely road
The only one I that have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But its home to me and I walk alone


I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone


I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...


My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone


Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh
Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah


I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And were I walk alone


Read between the lines of what's
Fucked up and every things all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone


I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...


My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone


Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh
Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah


I walk alone
I walk a...


I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Were the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a..


My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I'll walk alone!

*
Sunday, August 07, 2005 9:08:00 PM

i have realised. realised that people around me are changing. for the better or worse, i have no idea. anyway, i am in no position to comment too. cos i think i'm slowly changing too. this may sound weird to you guys but if you noticed, i have mellowed a lot. if that's the correct word to use. my vocab sucks. anyway, ya. i am like so much quieter now. i think i'm under tremendous stress. for some reason. sigh. anyway, i don't give a damn about that. fell in love with a song yesterday.


open arms by journey.


Lying beside you, here in the dark
Feeling your heart beat with mind
Softly you whisper, you're so sincere
How could our live be so blind
We sailed on together
We drifted apart
And here you are by my side


So now I come to you, with open arms
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
So here I am with open arms
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me
Open arms


Living without you, living alone
This empty house seems so cold
Wanting to hold you, wanting you near
How much I wanted you home
But now that you've come back
Turned night into dayI need you to stay.


(chorus)


i am in love. i bet you know what i mean. hee. if you don't, go and check out your friendster and look for my love testimonial. hee.

*
Friday, August 05, 2005 9:22:00 PM

well. i have so many things to update about that i can't decide which one to start with!! hee. well. erm.

went to np today. to audition for jo. hee. met nana and nexa. wanted to go back with them but sigh, jo booked me first. hee. met guotai too. man. his hair is woohoo. but ah, brother, please change the pair of specs though you just changed it not long ago. hee. come on la. it destroys the whole thing. hee. oh. the audition's rather fun. i love jo's group members. super funky!! yeah man. hee. love them to da core. hee.

went back to mi too. actually just sat outside stoning la. didn't dare to go in by myself. cos in saints tee ma. man, i miss the days there so so so so much. saw bastid but i doubt he noticed or remember me. sigh. he still looks the same. (: glad to know that.

oh. i donated blood on wed. dam exciting la. hee. it's rather painless too. not a bad experience. think i gonna go and do it again. anyone joining? hee. and i've got a dam cute bright orange smiley bandage. hee. rocks la. it's like so me. hee.

erm. what else? oh. ffff last friday. dam fun!! took tons of photos and played that stupid "ho ho ho" game. haha. we ended hee-ing, ha-ing, meh-ing. haha. dam funny. went for supper after that. dam fun. played hai dai in the shop la. my god. it's so embarrassing. hee. but, it was an enjoyable experience. and i think we are going to play that in the prata shop next time. haha.

okay. what else i there i left out? oh ya!! ah ma's in the same tuition class with me!! woohoo!! dam funny la. the minute we saw each other, we were hugging and jumping and screaming. haha. i bet her friends are all shocked. hee. so typical us. man. i love her. can't wait to see her every sunday.

and. i love you guys!! hee. obviously i've ran out of things to say. oh!!! i watched charlie and the chocolate factory already. hee. okay. stop being jealous of me. haha. it's dam cute la. especially the oompa loompa. if i got the name right. he is dam cute. and sings dam cute too. haha. we were saying he is the lead instead. hee. "willy wonka, willy wonka!!" hee. watch it man.

finally, when the creative memory jucies has ran out, i say bye. hee. love ya to the core. hope we get to see each other soon. whoever you might be. (: oh. just remembered another thing. beobei is not coming back anymore. that stupid eva company lady!! urgh!! i wanna kill her!! she sucks!! sigh. can only see baobei next year. sigh. and gita is leaving in 9 days time. sigh. so gonna miss her soon. i miss all you people overseas!! especially baobei and stepho!! miss you guys.

okay. this is really the ending. bye. take care. love ya. mwahhs.



Reality

born serene oh but not old.
nicknamed the old one now.
i stress, i am not old.
i would prefer to be called, mature.

It's not a dream if it came true,
but we exist to dream.
Make a wish,
I'm your faithful genie that doesn't have much patience :)

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