<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d5782637\x26blogName\x3djust+me.\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttp://t3ardr0p.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://t3ardr0p.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-7049396643350426919', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
*
Saturday, June 25, 2005 1:46:00 AM

『Life's A Struggle』

正当我睁开双眼 踏入这个世界
妈妈给我生命 现在让我自生自灭
这让我恐惧 在我的眼里每个人都戴着面具
回想过去 难道生命就是这样延续?
我抽烟抽得我的肺都黑了
就像整个社会被人心笼罩着 它也是黑的
我背着宿命的十字架
也渴望Power, paper and respect
我想这大概就是human nature
佛家说 烦恼即是菩提 我暂且不提
我倒是希望能够回到母体
老妈对不起 我时常把你气得跺脚
你说你后悔当初没有把我堕掉
每当我放学回家 放下那沉重的背包
家里空无一人 只残留着你香水的味道
那时我知道 你那天晚上又要加班
我打开冰箱 拿出微波炉吃冰的晚餐
老爸在凌晨两点钟醉醺醺地回家
我从睡梦中醒来 只听到你们在吵架
我没有办法专心面对第二天的考试
老师他不喜欢我 我也不喜欢老师
我讨厌穿制服 我讨厌学校的制度
我讨厌训导主任的嘴脸 讨厌被束缚
That's true
很多人不屑我的态度 他们说我太cool
警察不爽我都曾将我逮捕
I don't give a fuck about 人家说什么
他们想说什么就说什么 但是他们算什么
没有谁有权利拿他的标准衡量
我主宰是我自己 随便人家如何想 我还是我
爱钱的女人只给凯子摸
不懂得用保险套的人别嫌孩子多
金钱力量虽大 却生不带来死不带走紧
握着双拳的人们何时能松开手?

**Life's a struggle 日子还要过
品尝喜怒哀乐之后 又是数不尽的troubles
Everyday 有多少问题要去面对
有多少夜 痛苦烦恼着你无法入睡…

**Life's a struggle 日子还要过
品尝喜怒哀乐之后 又是数不尽的troubles
Everyday 有多少问题要去面对
有多少夜 痛苦烦恼着你无法入睡…

法庭严肃的空气逼得我快不能呼吸
当时面临着终生监禁的我开始反省
铁栏杆之后又是个截然不同的景象
刑犯们眼神中看不到一点和平的气象
仅有一寸短的铅笔 写的是监狱风云
日记上描绘的不是美好的户外风景
自由在他们眼里才是憧憬
放一把自制武器在枕头旁 以防随时有人偷袭
有些人怀疑老婆在外偷情
有些人把家人寄来的信件一张一张好好收集
有些人二十四小时几乎在床上休息
有些人精神失常 因为受不了打击
三个月如火如荼的漫长等待已过去
出狱后的我得面对三年的缓刑期
这也好 一生中第一次感觉到幸福
但生命中的考验何止如此我不清楚
我不知道 接下来还有什么会发生
翻开报纸的新闻又是看到放火杀人
还记得某年无意间发现的照片
上面有阿姨对男人施行口交的恶心画面
这简直摧毁了她在我心目中的形象
我无法忘怀照片中那笑容多么淫荡
我抵抗 胸口存在着不安及惶恐
我不断听到痛苦的声音在内心怒吼

**Life's a struggle 日子还要过
品尝喜怒哀乐之后 又是数不尽的troubles
Everyday 有多少问题要去面对
有多少夜 痛苦烦恼着你无法入睡…

**Life's a struggle 日子还要过
品尝喜怒哀乐之后 又是数不尽的troubles
Everyday 有多少问题要去面对
有多少夜 痛苦烦恼着你无法入睡…

不论我走到天南 不论我走到地北
不论我走到哪都见识到人心的虚伪
It's kinda funny 在人的眼里只有money
外表好像要帮你 却只是想帮他自己
笑容可掬的脸后面 谁知道是个狼心狗肺
连朋友都能背叛 因为只有名利合他口味
她说她爱你的时候讲的是问心无愧
搞不好她爱的是你身后的荣华富贵
你可曾困惑 在你身旁谁是敌是友
对你落井下石的可能就是你的挚友
你可曾经历 当你最需要帮助的时候
平常跟你称兄道弟的人都突然失踪
亲爱的神 伟大的神
你可以怪我想法太过无知 但我只是人
我不信人 因为人也不信我
不要问我为什么 我最多只能告诉你这就是我
生命像海浪一样有时高有时低
你是否告诉自己坚强渡过各种时期
我从命运的天台放眼却看不到星空
漆黑的天空压在头顶使我不得轻松
在我心中 找不到一个安静的角落
我不能再沈睡下去 良心彷佛在笑我
它在说:有几天几夜老妈曾经为你以泪洗面
老爸他只顾己见 希望之火只见熄灭
我接起电话是老爸憔悴的声音
虽没见面却不难想像他当时的神情
刚听完他最近失业的消息
脑海里马上浮现祖母的话 警告我一定要争气
我已经放弃所有哭的理由
因为我早就习惯冷漠活在无情的现实里头
人生要如何起头?改变要如何起手?
当活在泥沼中 要如何才能金盆洗手?

**Life's a struggle 日子还要过
品尝喜怒哀乐之后 又是数不尽的troubles
Everyday 有多少问题要去面对
有多少夜 痛苦烦恼着你无法入睡…


**Life's a struggle 日子还要过
品尝喜怒哀乐之后 又是数不尽的troubles
Everyday 有多少问题要去面对
有多少夜 痛苦烦恼着你无法入睡…

**Life's a struggle 日子还要过
品尝喜怒哀乐之后 又是数不尽的troubles
Everyday 有多少问题要去面对
有多少夜 痛苦烦恼着你无法入睡…

**Life's a struggle 日子还要过
品尝喜怒哀乐之后 又是数不尽的troubles
Everyday 有多少问题要去面对
有多少夜 痛苦烦恼着你无法入睡…

Uh...Life's a struggleyeah...Life's a struggle

did u feel,man?...
_______________________________________
song by shawn song. it's about his life. he passed away from bone cancer at the age of 23 in 2002. basically, his life story is very heart-wrenching. and it also has reflections of some parts of our lifes. for those who can read or understand chinese, i apologise. i will translate it but it may take some time cos school's starting and it's a 1300+ words long song. ya. you can link it from my blog to the flash mtv of the song.


*
Friday, June 24, 2005 12:15:00 PM

as usual, ignorance is bliss. life is once again, getting sadder. i am sad. my life is sad. everything is sad. this is sad. wondering whether to turn up later or not. if all of them are going to turn up, and no one else other than them, don't really feel like going. since when and why did our relationship become like that? i think i'm at fault. but it's not totally my fault. but it's mostly my fault. urgh. can't think properly now. well, i guess not voicing out my thoughts is my biggest mistake. oh well. heck. don't think can change anything now. i am such a failure. oh well. i'll just be a loner from now on. hey. i am a loner. a loner in a big crowd of people. hah. contradicting. nevermind. no one will understand unless you've been in my shoes. want to let it all out. but this crybaby here is emotional but can't cry at times like this. weird? i contradict myself a lot. that's why i come across as heartless, emotionless, insensitive, etc. you get me. what am i doing here?! i should be studying for my exams! oh well. heck. i'm so bo chap. and i am starting to hate this bo chapness in me. urgh. i should just stop complaining yeah. oh well. sorry to waste your time if you've reached this part of the entry.

*
Monday, June 20, 2005 4:26:00 PM

i miss MI.

i am going to go back there one fine day.

and take a look around, i guess.

and look for dha.

yays.

hee.

sigh.

those were the days.

life in sa is getting sad.

suaku. miss you.

*
4:17:00 PM

i just want to be as brave as her.

to dare to leave everything behind for her dreams.

i am such a pathetic loser.

oh well. enough of such crapp.

next year.

i will do it.

i am going to fail my promos!!

yes!!

i am going to retain!!

better still.

then, wahahahhaha.

hee.

insane is planning something really bad.

woohoo!!

it's gonna break lots of people's hearts.

but, i don't care.

hee.

just hope i have enough courage.

cos i am a bloody sula.

sigh.

*
Tuesday, June 14, 2005 5:48:00 PM

stolen love.

a great movie.

great theme song.

sigh.

i love the movie.

but the ending is just so sad.

so uncommon.

so non commercial.

so cool. in a different way.

sigh.

*
2:37:00 PM

爱一个人原来不易 主唱:李彩桦 (Rain Lee)

今天晚上,应该想你,
(jin tian wan shang, ying gai xiang ni,)
(tonight, i should be thinking of you,)
想到凌晨五点二十分。
(xiang dao ling chen 5 dian er shi fen.)
(till 5.20 in the morning.)
窗外下雨,看着旧照片,
(chuang wai xia yu, kan zhe jiu zhao pian,)
(it's raining outside, looking at the old photos,)
想起一起躲雨的日子。
(xiang qi yi qi duo yu de ri zi.)
(remembering the times we shelthered from the rain.)

就算什么都没有,只是不能够,
(jiu suan shen me dou mei you, zhi shi bu neng gou,)
(even if there's nothing left, i just can't,)
在我世界里失去你的消息。
(zai wo shi jie li shi qu ni de xiao xi.)
(afford to lose you.)
如果你在心里,听到这首歌,
(ru guo ni zai xin li, ting dao zhe shou ge,)
(if you hear this song in your heart,)
请告诉我你在哪里。
(qing gao su wo ni zai na li.)
(please inform me of your whereabouts.)

原来爱一个人不容易。
(ai yi ge ren yuan lai bu rong yi.)
(it's so hard to love someone.)
怎么一开始总是永远最甜蜜。
(zen me yi kai shi zong shi yong yuan zui tian mi.)
(why is the start of a relationship always sweet?)
爱你是我一生中最美,
(ai ni shi wo yi zheng zhong zui mei,)
(loving you is the most beautiful thing that has happened to me,)
因为你在我世界里没有代替。
(yin wei ni zai wo shi jie li mei you dai ti.)
(because you are the only unique one in my life, and can't be replaced by anyone.)

就算什么都没有,只是不能够,
(jiu suan shen me dou mei you, zhi shi bu neng gou,)
(even if there's nothing left, i just can't,)
在我世界里失去你的消息。
(zai wo shi jie li shi qu ni de xiao xi.)
(afford to lose you.)
如果你在心里,听到这首歌,
(ru guo ni zai xin li, ting dao zhe shou ge,)
(if you hear this song in your heart,)
请告诉我你在哪里。
(qing gao su wo ni zai na li.)
(please inform me of your whereabouts.)

原来爱一个人不容易。
(ai yi ge ren yuan lai bu rong yi.)
(it's so hard to love someone.)
怎么一开始总是永远最甜蜜。
(zen me yi kai shi zong shi yong yuan zui tian mi.)
(why is the start of a relationship always sweet?)
爱你是我一生中最美,
(ai ni shi wo yi zheng zhong zui mei,)
(loving you is the most beautiful thing that has happened to me,)
因为你在我世界里没有代替。
(yin wei ni zai wo shi jie li mei you dai ti.)
(beause you are the only unique onhe in my life, and can't be replaced by anyone.)

因为你在我世界里没有代替。
(yin wei ni zai wo shi jie li mei you dai ti.)
(beause you are the only unique onhe in my life, and can't be replaced by anyone.)

*
2:22:00 PM

ignorance is bliss, they say.
and know what? i agree totally.

some things are really not meant for you to know.
so you really really shouldn't know.
but if by chance, by default, found out.
i only can say,'God Bless.'

only wished i never found out.
but it's too late.
what's done can't be undone.
well, sorry to make the same mistake over again.
thought it'll be different this time round.
too bad. it's not.

well, i realised the mistake long ago.
but didn't have the courage to correct it.
i'm such a coward, such a loser.

sigh.

*
Wednesday, June 08, 2005 10:24:00 PM

Your Expression Number is 3
A natural performer, your destiny lies in writing, speaking, acting, or teaching.Imaginative and unique, you have a natural creative talent in the arts.You're also a natural salesperson. You can easily sell your ideas and yourself.
A total optimist, you are enthusiastic about life and living.You are friendly and social - and people are taken by your charm.Your role in life is to inspire, motivate, and raise others' spirits.
At times, you can seem a bit superficial.Sometimes you're a bit unfocused and too easygoing.You're best off when you don't dwell on trivial matters, especially gossip.
What's" Your Expression Number?


sounds quite like it ya. (:

*
9:58:00 PM

Your Element Is Air
You dislike conflict, and you've been able to rise above the angst of the world.And when things don't go your way, you know they'll blow over quickly.
Easygoing, you tend to find joy from the simple things in life.You roll with the punches, and as a result, your life is light and cheerful.
You find it easy to adapt to most situations, and you're an open person.With you, what you see is what you get... and people love that!

What's" Your Element?



sounds like me? comment. hee.

*
Tuesday, June 07, 2005 5:54:00 PM

okay. went to study with mellie today. haha. reached dam late la. the latest i've been for a date. hee.

sigh. summation sucks. ahh!! i hate maths. sigh.but no worries, t3aRdr0p will survive and do well. after all, her ultimate aim is maths s paper. hahahahhaaa. i know this is the joke of the century but it's something to keep me going. not like it's helping la. hee.

my discman has died on me!! ahh!! sorry cheryl. but i think it's only the battery cos i can listen using the adaptor. sigh. more money is going into battery buying. i'm broke!!

and, my dear grace just informed me that she can't make it on froday. now now now, i can't decide whether to go or not. cos i really don't want to be there by myself. think i'll just go and take a look but won't go up. stupid grace's choir meeting!! sigh.

still can't get baobei. sigh. really hope she's not waiting for my call. let's just hope she has forgotten about the fact that i'm going to call her. baobei, if you are waiting, i'm realy really really sorry. sigh. think i'll just send her a mail. sigh. miss her. stepho too. and everyone else not in town. dearies, i miss you guys!!

*
5:47:00 PM

i think energy is bad. the formation of it is bad. all these years, i've wasted so much energy, time and tears on them. why did i even buy their first album? cos of daniel. man, am i stupid? how did i go from daniel to energy? it should have never happened. then, it'll have saved so much. sigh. but they gave me happy times too. and a lot og good friends like nexa, nana and clu. even though we were never really really close (the three of you were though), we shared a bond. i really treasure our friendship. miss you guys. tCare.

*
5:31:00 PM

just last night, i was listening to my energy album when i rememebered that i used to cry to a song. i couldn't remember the song cos of my really bad memory. i can't remember the title, the singer or even why i could cry. then, after some time, i remembered. it's "jie li sai" by r&b featuring toro. now i think i know why.

i'm already starting to miss energy, just by listening to their songs and looking at the words they had written. i even visited the jiazu started by mich and i (though it's mostly her work). it's been a long long time since i've been there. i actually missed it. can't believe it yeah.

*
12:06:00 AM

baobei, i miss you. i tried calling you yesterday but i don't know why i just cant get to you. i think the calling card sucks. or maybe, the connection sucks more. i tried and tried. just couldn't get to you. i'm so tired of trying aimlessly. but since it's for you, i won't give up hope cos i know you are at the oterh end of the phone waiting for my call and i promise to call right? i'll still try now. i'll try and try and try till i get you, even if it means paying normal overseas call rate. keep the faith. i will get to you. baobei, deng wo. wo bu hui pian ni de. yao dui wo you xin xing. baobei, xiang ni.

*
Monday, June 06, 2005 11:45:00 PM

i don't know what's the use of a blog. to make people feel good of themselves? to allow people to have another side of them? to allow poeple to voice opinions they never dared to in real life? better still, to make others feel for them. to allow themselvs to dwell in self pity. at least, that's what i think of a blog.

then, one may ask, why did you keep a blog? since it's like nothing good and everything bad. well, it's a side of me. it's to allow me to dwell in self pity. to allow myself to show the other side of me. and of course, to allow others to feel sorry for me. i'm just as sad case as everyone else.

others may first start having a blog to follow the trand, to be hip. then, after some time, to dwell in self pity. i think bloggers really have a sad life. hah.

and yes, you have have already realised, this post is about me dwelling in self pity and indeed, i am pitying myself. okay people, let's all have a minute of self pity.

done?

good for you. see you next entry:) if you even decide to come back and read.

ps. oh ya, and i know i such big time for daring to voice out something you guys know in your heart but dare not believe in. then again, isn't that what's a blog for? people, wake up and dare to believe yeah. be it good or bad. cos that's what our lifes are made up of. dreams and belief. God Bless.

*
Wednesday, June 01, 2005 8:58:00 PM

你记得吗

你记得吗我曾试探着对你讲
将来一定会把你娶回家
赚很多钱给你花你
当时红着脸低着头跑回家
很长时间再也没有和我说话

你记得吗我们一起玩攀崖
为了不让你受惊吓
我不小心磕破了下巴
看着你心痛的模样
我觉得自己很伟大

我知道你怕吃辣喜欢
喝珍珠奶茶
我知道你怕别人说闲话
才会故意到离家很远的地方和我玩
我知道你怕惹麻烦
才会违背心愿地跟我装傻
我是一个真正的男子汉
不会让你担惊受怕

great song by yanbing!! ahma intro one. man..it's so sweet!! haha. went k yesterday. haha. was supposed to go bookfair la. due to a certain reason (we got lost), we went to k instead. haha. it was great!! we were just singing and singing. and dancing and dancing. ohh..the drooling over leehom, alex and nicholas!! haha. it was dam cool. and of course, we rock!! haha.

突然累了 曲:林俊杰 词:林秋离

吃饭吃到睡了 我开车开到傻了
我看书看到你了 开始怀疑我怎么了
说话说到吐了 我写歌写到疯了

我爱你 爱到盲了
天知道我又怎么了
不舍得 舍不得 都分手了
舍不得 不舍得 散了(爱是你的 我是我的 完了)

原来我只是突然累了 原来我不说了
原来我撑着撑到麻了 原来我不爱了

a song by jj. cool song. i love the lyrics la. dam cool. i mean the way it's written. whoa. i like the way he ends with the le. and the she bu de, bu she de. cool sia. hee. watched too much of mtv these days. haha. shows are boring la so i can only watch mtv. the mvs kept on repeating la. i must be very good with all the mvs now. haha. okay. crapp. hee. i love MTV!!!

*
8:34:00 PM

Long ago, there was a bird who sang but just once in her life.
From the moment she left the nest,
She searched the longest leaf for a thorn tree,
Never resting until she found one.
Then she began to singmore sweetly than any other creature on the face of the earth.
But carry away in the rapturous honor song,
She impaled herself on the longest sharpest thorn.
As she was dying,
She rose above her own agony to out-sing even the lark and the nightingale.
The thorn bird traded her life for that one song and
The whole world was captured to listen.
And God, in his heaven smiles~

As her very best was brought out only of the cost of great pain.
Driven by the thorn, with no fear for her death to come.
But when we push the thorn into our breast,
We know..
We understand..
And still.. we choose the pain of the thorn

意译:
传说中
有一种鸟一生只鸣唱一次
当牠离开巢穴的那一天起就永不停歇地寻找着世上最长的荆棘
当牠找到时
就会将自己的胸膛朝着最长最尖的刺撞去
在最深最刻苦的痛中
引亢(口部)高歌而这样的歌声超越了牠自身的痛楚
声音无与伦比感人肺腑
就连世人以为声音甜美的云雀或夜莺都不能与之相比刺鸟从不惧死亡的降临
以牠的生命作为换取世上最美丽歌声的代价
而当我们迎向最深刻的痛
我们知道我们将无所畏惧因为
"唯有经历着最深沉的痛楚 才能换取最美好的事物"


刺鸟 曲:F.I.R. 词:F.I.R./谢宥慧

也许就是要等 一百个世纪
我们才能够发现 真爱的美丽

龙舌兰的花朵 不代表讯绚丽
选择燃烧了自己 将真爱延续

就像刺鸟的宿命 悲剧却勇敢
用生命交换结局的灿烂

天上的风 被谁推开
温暖的手 是你的爱
我还在等待 等待你的爱
真实呼喊

天空晴朗 心情很蓝
紧握的手 决不松开
怎么不回来 怎么不回来
刺鸟呼唤

天空晴朗 心情很蓝
紧握的手 决不松开
我穿越伤害 最美的答案
是你的爱
_____________________________________________________
i like this song. i like the story of the thorn bird. how true it is. only when we suffer, is the very best brought out.



Reality

born serene oh but not old.
nicknamed the old one now.
i stress, i am not old.
i would prefer to be called, mature.

It's not a dream if it came true,
but we exist to dream.
Make a wish,
I'm your faithful genie that doesn't have much patience :)

Playback
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
September 2004
October 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
March 2009
November 2009


Applaud

*Credits
KPOPSARANGHAE
Designer: HEEMAINE!
Image host: x
Image source: x
Image done in Photoshop CS2
*Please do not remove, or we'll track you down and skin you alive