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Monday, May 16, 2005 9:18:00 PM
it's been many many days since i last blogged. everyday, i come online with the intention to blog, with lots in my mind to say but somehow, things just don't get done the minute i come online.
i wanted to have an entry about me being an insecure child last friday. finally, i'm going to write it today.
i'm an insecure and i hide my insecurities with loudness.
i hide my insecurities with my crap.
i hide my insecurities by talking a bit too much.
i hide my insecurities by being super duper friendly.
but, i am an insecure child.
why am i insecure?
i have no idea.
i just know i am an insecure child.
maybe i am afraid of loneliness that's why i want company.
but at times, or should i say most of the time,
i prefer to be alone.
i am a schizo. definitely.
being two extremes.
loud and quiet.
friendly and anti-social.
i am just insecure.
where is your broad shoulders for me to hide behind whenever i need it.
anyway, i feel left out.
where, i shall not say.
i just want to put it across that i feel left out.
but, this isn't new. i'm always feeling left out.
i never really belonged.
it's been like this for the past who-knows-how-many years of my life.
hah. life is a joke played on me by the one above.
i am happy.
i am not.
i am happy.
i am not.
i am not sure whether i am happy or not.
i am just living this life with made up happiness.
i am just an empty shell that goes around laughing and talking loudly.
i am just me.
but, i am sure i do feel really happy at times.
so for those who doubt that i'm happy while being with them,
maybe i was really happy that day, that time, that particular moment.
i guess you people should know whether i am really happy or not.
cos you are the closest to me.
i have wasted too much emotions in this entry.
hah.
just like in the past.
am i becoming who i was again?
maybe being her was better than being me.
end off with a thought:
do you prefer the previous me or the present me?
