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Friday, April 30, 2004 9:33:00 PM
lost
feeling at lost now. what on earth has happened? why is this happening? mello, i want to know the answer too. feeling very empty now. very very empty.
emptiness fills me
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5:37:00 PM
me
i know it's the mye studying period but i have been coming online almost everyday. is this good or bad? well, i don't care. got study can liao. i really become more guai liao. must be proud of me ya. kz la.
me=guai
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5:36:00 PM
bias
who is not bias? everyone is right? so why would people not admit they are? ms ho and ms kee refuses to admit they are bias but when we say bad things about the people they like, they started siding with them, saying is our fault and stuff. so sick ya. sigh. teachers. if they don't want to admit they are bias, can they not be so open about it? well, anyway, i admit i am bias.
i am
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Thursday, April 29, 2004 4:50:00 PM
solitude
solitude, means state of being alone. this word just came to my mind just now. i guess i am in trouble again, or should i say feel at a lost again.
last year, when the contract thing was going on, i kept on having this feeling. i would want to walk around the neighbourhood and look around, see if there is any difference. and i would also like to walk to the playground and sit there, all by myself, doing nothing. guess what? i walked around just now and wanted to go to the playground, but didn't because there are people there.
why am i doing these all over again? is it because of the exams? or this is what people call de-stressing?
i know i have very strange ways of de-stressing. i like to draw lines on paper and shade them, colour them. i totally love that. and i've been doing that very frequently these days.
at times, i just felt totally alone. as if there is no one else left in the world.
loneliness
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Thursday, April 15, 2004 8:42:00 PM
manz!
i really can't stand her lor! eliz was telling me stories about her too and i am like totally pissed! who does she thinks she is? only THE maz! have you guys been studying for our "long awaited" chinese o's? if i don't remember wrongly, it's 46 more days. JIAYOU baz!
we rocks!
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Monday, April 12, 2004 8:19:00 PM
Heart of Gold
What is Your Heart REALLY Made of? brought to you by Quizilla
got bored. try it. diam cute. and now all of you guys know i have a heart of gold! heh!
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Thursday, April 08, 2004 7:52:00 PM
gospel
went to watch the musical today. was totally pissed and embaressed. the lower sec peeps are so xia suay. they were like screaming and shouting all the time, and if my info not wrong, because the guy is handsome and has a great bod. i mean wth! and because of this you guys scream and scream? diao. but i gotta give him some credits because he is a great performer, very open and the way he shakes his booty is great! yeah.
today is when we commerate good friday. so just wanna thank Jesus for dying on the cross to atone our sins. thanks!
thanks
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Monday, April 05, 2004 5:22:00 PM
public apology part 2
kz..as you can see from the title, i'm making an apology again. sorry for what i said in the previous post ya. was too agitated. so can't see things clearly at that point of time. whatever i said is in a fit of anger. so forgive me ya? i mean no one is perfect so you can't really blame me for doing it right? i know this is called finding excuses but...heh. sorry la. must forgive me because it's really hard to say sorry, even though this is not from my mouth but my fingers, it's still very sincere ya.
sorry la
*
Thursday, April 01, 2004 6:31:00 PM
sick
i don't know what to do. i don't know what to say. i am getting sick of everything. everything. had a talk with tcher just now and it's so duh that she is pin pointing me. just because she doesn't like me. and she goes on and on and on about how much i show favouritism and how how i like the girls. look here! i am just friendly ya. just because i am nice to them during work hours doesn't mean anything. doesn't mean i am the closest to them, causing them to be so big headed. in case you are wondering, there is actually someone else in the group that is closest to them. they talk to her more after work hours than to me! but because during work she is all serious and i am all fun and play and they are with me during work, because of the committee, doesn't mean i am close and side with them. and i always know that you guys and tcher don't like me. but you don't have to make it so obvious right? though it's my fault that our talk didn't go through but it is also not entirely my fault kz. can't help it if tcher sides with her so much and pushes all the blame to me right?! fine! go on! continue to dislike me. i don't care. i will just take all the time i spent with you guys as a memory. from now on, we are quits! ever since don't know when, you guys can't stand me. i know. but we need to work together. finally everything's over! you can get rid of me finally! aren't you happy?! to believe i put so much feelings into the relationship, i spent 12/7 with you guys. in case you are wondering, 12/7 is the half of 24/7. and after we went through so much, if you still can't change your opinion of me, can't change the fact that you don't like me, fine with me. but please don't make it so obvious ya. it will hurt the feelings of others. but then again, i don't expect much from you guys, so only little damage is done.
i have alot of friends, i admit. but alot of them are hi-bye friends. now even those that i spent half my time with are doing this to me, i wonder what will happen to the others. you guys are just so hypocritical. worse than me, and i though i'm the worse. is there like no one i can call friend left anymore? even my close friend is getting so close to them. what can i do? i'll quote the chorus of a song for you guys ya. seems to speak from my heart.
i just wanna live!
i just wanna breathe!
to begin,
to be free,
and to love,
once again.
to cry...
i just wanna live!
i just wanna breathe!
let the song of life begin!
i just wanna live...
by martin tang, a singaporean musician. titled, if i'm not wrong, i just wanna live. i'm free now. free from everything, except studies. just wanna say one last goodbye.
bye
