just me.

2009-11-16T23:19:00.002+08:00

wow. from the previous entry where i said i want to revive my blogger till now, it's been almost 8months. i tend to forget my words quite a bit don't i. and that picture i put up is gorgeous. i can so change the picture now to jun.k but i wont. cos i know, my heart lies with changmin no matter how much temptation i face from junsu.

anyways, getting out of point. i just want to talk about 6PM today. i think the boycott's really quite harsh on them cos it's all done for jay. not that i think it's not right to boycott cos i'm pro-boycott but i still feel so bad for them. i love the other six members as much as i love jay, if not more. and to tell the truth, i can accept a six member stage. i feel like i'm betraying jay when i think of this but this is my inner most thoughts and i think i can only say it here.

i want to see jay back on stage with the other six members. just come back soon jay, so i wont be in such mental turmoil. i support 6PM. and i support 2PM. and i know how much the seven of you worked to achieve the results today. so 2PM cannot be done without jay. aish, i'm getting incoherent.

what triggered this post? the fact that the other members are suffering from injuries due to the new choreography. why did jype even included acrobatics in 2PM's concept? that totally eludes me. i want to see all of the boys healthy and happy. not with injured wrists and ankles. no way. they need to be safe and healthy before they can be happy. the fact that wooyoung has hurt his wrist is making me very upset. and rumours has it that junsu hurt his arms too. it didnt come across my mind that the pyramid involves such danger till someone pointed it out. i was merely being fascinated by it. seriously, i dont deserve to be a fan. how can i not realise all the work and suffering they had to go through before perfecting the choreography. damn. i ought to be shot.

and there are comments at 2OD on this issue that doesnt make me very happy too. someone said we need jay. so the boys will stop all this suffering. come on, just cos jay was the one who did acrobatics before doesnt mean that he wont be suffering or injured. i think this is really selfish. cos this is means that he/she prefer jay to be injured? thats the way i am reading the words. and someone even said that with jay around, the boys would have taken more of themselves. STFU! jay is important and he is important as a leader, a hyung. but the other six boys arent babies. they know how to take care of themselves. so stop making them seem like jay is indispensable. now i feel like crap for slightly implying that jay is dispensable.

ah, fuck it all. i should stop trying to care so much. or even reading other people's comments. why do i want to agitate myself? cos 人之初性本贱.

shall end all this mindless ranting and try and get some knowledge into my head instead.

byebye world.

2009-03-29T02:09:00.001+08:00

i havent been back for more than a year.

have this sudden urge to revive my blogspot.

i also dont know why.

probably cos the two other sites are too known and there are many things i cant say openly over there.

i shall see how about this blog.

for now, it's a brand picture andb background colour!

((:

2007-05-07T17:57:00.000+08:00

我呢，今天的目的是公布我无名的网址。
oh老人的幻想世界...会开心吧?

去那走走吧。
从今后，我应该会在那写网志了。
(:

2007-05-06T21:20:00.000+08:00

我得开始加油了，
为了自己的梦想。
其实，我已经不知道自己有什么梦想了。

从前，我想在电影圈工作。
但以现在的情况看来，似乎没有什么可能性。
想想，当个老师也不错。
但，我会沦落到这种程度吗?

有一件事，是我一定想要办到的。
去台湾生活，体验台湾。
这大概是我目前唯一的梦想吧。

考了A水准，拿了成绩，过后要读什么科呢?
前途一遍渺茫。

可笑，我还常说‘让我们在梦想的终点见’
自己都不知道梦想是什么，如何见啊。

算了，走一步算一步吧。

祝，快乐。
(:

2007-05-06T21:07:00.000+08:00

最近一些事情，让我看到了人类的丑陋。
我是不了解为何有些人会为了不知什么原因而导致别人的伤心，伤害了别人。

有个人在禹哲的留言版些了这段文字:
我深深的相信,妳就是上帝派下凡的天使,
完美的就猶如童話故事里走出來的王子,
那般耀眼,好看.
我知道也許今生妳永遠都無法知道我,
就算有一天在妳的演唱會上我認的出妳,
而你卻不知道我.
我不會异想天開的想要擁有你,
因爲我知道那是多麽的遙不可及.
那些所謂的只要妳倖福我也很快樂的話多說無意,
人們都知道那是假話,一個人,要如何快樂,該怎么幸福.
動聽的只是用來說服自己.
然而我不是神,我不能滿足自己的欲望,
所以我甘願付出,不建立再任何回報上,
至少在我看妳的圖片Mv,聽妳的歌聲話語會讓我覺得是一種享受,
盼望看見妳成功,但是我不想增加妳的壓力,
即使有一天妳失去了一切,財富,地位,哪怕妳不再是個藝人
隻要妳是唐禹哲,我就會一樣的愛你,
因爲我最想看見的,不是妳紅的連三歲的孩子都認得出,
而是你臉上明朗的笑顔,那是我願用一生去守護的唯美.

我很喜欢最后一句‘而是你臉上明朗的笑顔,那是我願用一生去守護的唯美. ’
我想，这样真的就够了。
哲，要振作起来，
不要轻易的被打败。
我们一直在这里支持着你，
直到比永远多一天。

`让我们在梦想的终点见

祝，快乐。
(:

2007-04-25T21:12:00.000+08:00

对了，我刚想起。
我会唱‘中国话’了!
也就是，现在我部落格里的这首S.H.E的歌。
赞哟!
我无敌厉害的啦。

`让我们在梦想的终点见

(:

2007-04-25T21:07:00.000+08:00

我该说些什么呢?

最近，我似乎有比较用功。
开始读书了。
为我感到骄傲吧！

星期一时，剪了头发。
有了个全新的造型。
有些人还忍不出我呢。
应该很不错吧。

我本身很喜欢，很开心。
新的心情，来迎进新的挑战。

和哲一样，一起加油。
一起努力。

`让我们在梦想的终点见

(:

2007-04-25T20:42:00.000+08:00

我喜欢读这个部落格。
写的东西都，直入心坎。
感触蛮深的。

不妨试试。
应该会感动到你。

http://www.wretch.cc/blog/cenariusk

(:

2007-04-24T21:35:00.000+08:00

在S.H.E的部落格上看到了这个:
S.H.E發片倒數部落格串聯活動

也就是说，她们要发片啦!!
5月11日2007年。
第十张专辑，PLAY。

yays!!太开心了。
graceh和我应该是有点high过头。
哈哈。

昨天看了中国话mv。
还不错，舞蹈编的蛮棒的。
我要正在努力学唱。
就快学会了。
加油!

anyways,我得宣传一下这个倒数活动。
我觉得很酷喔。
实在太high了点。
hahahahahaa.

有空也来一起加入吧。
http://blog.xuite.net/she.play/blog/11129476

`让我们在梦想的终点见.
(:

引用的URL：http://blog.xuite.net/she.play/blog/11129476/track

2007-04-17T21:32:00.000+08:00

我想当个男生。
女人真难当啊。
being a guy,我不需要美丽的外表。
不必为了穿着而抓破脑袋。
头发也不用留的长长。
更不需要坐姿。

随便穿穿也很好看。
头发抓抓就出门。
而且，不用认受月经的痛苦。

男人也可以做粗工。
不像女人，什么都不可以。
也自由多了。

bottom line, i really wanna be a guy.
(:

2007-04-17T21:09:00.001+08:00

唐先生前天留言了。
开心的呢。我。
但他好像很累。
眼睛红红的。
却还开心的录歌。
不愧是爱唱歌的小孩。
而他的PSP和Nintendo超美的啦。
还镶上DT的钻。
(:

2007-04-15T23:17:00.000+08:00

好朋友 - 罗志祥

像两首节拍不同的歌
却又同时被爱情合
奏旋律勉强着
愉快不能够假装快乐
你心中有宽阔的天空
等空气还稀薄

曾经等待因为会改变什么
你总会属于我
但是最后时间证明了
你只喜欢我

你说我比较像你的好朋友
只是不小心拥抱着
你道歉你难过
于是我给你笑容
谁在乎我的心还会不会寂寞

如果爱情是五线谱
我只希望用全音符
吟唱出爱上你
那完整的幸福
当你的心没有耳朵
即使我为你唱这歌
你也只看见我哭了

你说我比较像你的好朋友
只是不小心拥抱着
你道歉你难过
于是我给你笑容
谁在乎我的心还会不会寂寞

曾经等待因为会改变什么
你总会属于我
但是最后时间证明了
你只喜欢我

你说我比较像你的好朋友
只是不小心拥抱着
你道歉你难过
于是我给你笑容
谁在乎我的心
~还会不会寂寞

你说我是你最好的朋友
却不应该再拥抱着
你对错你冷漠
你使我放开手
不在乎我的心
会永远更寂寞

很爱这首歌。
超有感觉的。
MV又拍的很美，很有画面。
在不知觉中，会被深深吸引。

好了, i sound like someone who has just fallen out of love.
哈哈。去听听吧。
保证你会喜欢。
(:

2007-04-15T23:13:00.000+08:00

禹哲已经不像以前那样有空，有时间上网留言。
好像，失踪了一样。
很久，没有看到他了。

小鬼呢，常常会写写画画。
准时的交‘功课’。
迟了还会道歉。

人红了，就不一样了吧。
没有时间，没有自由。
怀念以前的禹哲，那一直上‘网咖’的他。

一切和之前不同了。
都变了。

就和他一样。
当初以为终于可以不再去想，回到没有他的日子。
但最近又再次联络上，也把之前的误解解开。
一切就回到了最初。
不知是好还是坏。

我不要再去想了。
不要。
现在的我，应该很快乐。
应该得好好的专心念书。
其他的，以后再想吧。

禹哲嘛，我希望还会继续的喜欢他。
但随缘吧。

2007-04-10T19:23:00.000+08:00

我想有个新的开始。
放了自己的照片，吓倒了吧。
(:

超喜欢的紫色。
美美喔。

本想写些比较emo的文章，但换得心情蛮好。
忍不下心来开始。
过些时候再写吧。

对了，我决定大部分时间，以中文创作。
看不懂，或看不到的朋友，sorry.

就酱吧。
要开心喔！
我的心情超美丽的啦。

((:

2007-04-08T20:39:00.000+08:00

人，是一个各体。
所以我们都是不同的。
世上不会拥有两个一模一样的你。
我，是独特的。

身为一个正常的人，应该会不时的问自己为什么我长的这样，我的性格会如此的与众不同。
但，这不同便会是我的特色。
让我stand out的原因。

好了，言归正题，今天我要举行性格分析。
我，就是一个怪脚。
传说中的怪脚。

基本上，我似乎一点关爱心都没有。
找我给你一点爱和关心等于与一面墙对话。
nex常说我是没人性(heartless)的。
真的，一点都没错。

我也看似大胆却贪生怕死。
我大概比较会说大话吧。
all words, no actions.
典型的一条虫。

还有，我的声量实在是有够大。
洪亮啊。
赞喔。
幸好，我还会依场合来调声量。
或许，可能只是自己认为，但，管他的。

我是一个自认的小丑。
大家的娱乐。
特殊才艺也很多。
可算的上是个奇人吧。

本人的嘴也蛮刻薄的。
常常‘酸’人。
把自己的快乐及娱乐来源建立在别人的痛苦上。
可能算不上痛苦啦。
尊严? maybe.

有一件事是我超行的，自high。
太厉害了我。
无时无刻的发疯。
也就是俗称的‘人来疯’吧。

最近啊，我发现自己唠叨了起来。
一直碎碎念。
要是让我对一件事不满，then i'm sorry，
你完了。
保证会念到你崩溃为止。

我懒惰的程度不是盖的。
可以懒到不起床吃饭，不出门。
宁可窝在家里煮泡面。
也因此，使我的人生有了今天。
懒惰，就是我一生的驶舵者。

电视则是我半个生命。
没有它，可能日子会过得很惨。
似乎，一切是黑白的。

我是个天才。
直树的接班人。
而，这不是我自称的。
是nex取的。
那耀眼的光芒是不能掩盖的。

还有什么呢?
一时想不出。
大家有任何想加的，就留个言。

最后一件事，我真的很喜欢莫文蔚的<忽然之间>。
我常听的是宝贝的版本。
但，莫文蔚的应该也会很不错。
以下，是歌词。
写的很好，直入心坎。

忽然之间　天昏地暗　世界可以忽然什么都没有
我想起了你　再想到自己
我为什么总在非常脆弱的时候　怀念你

我明白　太放不开你的爱　太熟悉你的关怀
分不开　想你算是安慰还是悲哀
而现在　就算时针都停摆　就算生命像尘埃
分不开　我们也许反而更相信爱

如果这天地　终究都会消失
不想一路走来珍惜的回忆　没有你

<终>

2007-04-04T20:22:00.000+08:00

hmm. i wanted to say something. but i forgot. serious. think i need to a memory reboot.
how now brown cow?

oh. think i got it.

i realised i've been pmsing a lot these days. serious. i got irritated at the smallest thing ever, and that includes the lecturer's lecture. and i've been using the f word and hand sign. i don't know why. crap. swearing is addictive. once you start, it's difficult to stop. hope i will be able to quit soon, say by tomorrow? hmm.

and my touchyness is coming back. oh no. here i come touching people all over again. can't help it. nicole's and skinny's waists are so tempting. haha. perv me. and yes, i am touchy again. literally. bad bad bad. last time i was like was sec 4? or 3? bad.

i really hope to settle down and study soon. which means i have to leave now cos i have a gp essay due early tomorrow morning. i shall go and do my research now.

people, cya!
(:

2007-04-03T20:33:00.000+08:00

some thoughts to share.

i think i am someone who people deem as nice. yes, nice. plain ol' nice.
i always think that there're a lot of people who do not like me.
may be due to my attitude, towards work, people.

i know of cases where someone really disliked me, and i don't know why.
am i just plain irritating? hmm..

anyways, i have this belief towards work that i follow strictly to ---- commitment.
to me, being loyal and giving your best, is basic courtesy.
to achieve this, i can be pretty aggressive.

an example is the cca fair last wednesday.
i seem to think that i am the only one who really wants jones to sign up.
are the rest that bo chap? i would say yes.
i asked for their target amount of sign ups and guess the answer.
one. o-n-e one.
for me? i was hoping around 20.
we all know it's impossible to reach that target and having one is really good but can't they be more supportive?

leaving matters to the last minute and hoping it will be smooth sailing is not an option, it's an area of concern.
(pardon the badly structured english.)
they really hope it will be good, turn out well.
serious.
should i not be worried?
should i just hang around and let it be?

i can't.
i have this horrible trait.
that is, being super commited to my cca, once i have settled down.

i don't know. really. i don't.
not sure about how well we can keep the relationships going with my attitude.
i think we will do fine, hoping they don't really remember or detest me.

i feel like an idiot for being the only super commited one.
whatever.

do i want to care so much?

2007-03-29T22:29:00.000+08:00

woohoo!
this is miss perv speaking. haha.
i am seriously perv lah.

first i like his left hand. then again, i do have an obsession with left handers.
then now i put this pic as my blog pic.
it's so wrong looking.
but i love this pic.
i thought it spoke volumes.
and it enhances yet another obsession of mine. the waist.
look at the way abu holds zhe's waist.
woohoo!
the perv is howling!

hahaa.
i am really a perv.
opps.

((:

2007-03-27T20:59:00.000+08:00

愛，就是要給你幸福。
而我，卻無法給你你想要的東西。
無意間闖入你的生活，對不起。
所以，我還是走吧。
或許這是我們之間最好的結局。
誰說愛一定就要在身邊的。
遠遠的觀望也應該是一種愛吧。

那天晚上又看見你了。
你還是那個樣子，懶懶散散的，好像對什麼都不在乎。
還是那個路口，這個季節夜晚的清風很涼了。
只是，只是我走過去的時候，
裝作沒有看到你，低頭看自己的步子，告訴自己別亂別亂。
我們，都已經過去了吧。

可是當你回過身跟我說話的時候，我的心又開始疼了。
下午在車上和朋友說起你和那個女孩子，
心忽然被刀子劃過去一樣，很疼很疼。
大家都說我是個永遠面帶笑容的女孩子，
快樂的好像從來不知道什麼是悲傷。
怎麼會呢，只是他們都不知道罷了。
你就是我的心裏最大的缺口。

前些天告訴身邊失戀的朋友，
要改變曾經的戀人在心中的位置，
要把他從心的左邊拿走，這樣就會好些。
我講這些的時候，暗暗的一直罵自己沒用。
什麼樣的道理我都明白的，
可是為什麼一牽扯到你，
我就會開始亂了分寸呢。

坐在樹林的石凳上，
下過雨的空氣有青草的味道。
你是最喜歡這些自然的味道的，
我坐在這裏，想起曾經的我們也總是長久的坐在一起，
話語很少，卻都感覺美好。
這樣的日子，是從什麼時候開始不再來的呢。
你究竟是什麼時候從我的身邊走開的呢，
我都不記得了。

我所有記得的，
唯有全部的好時光。
我說過，你所帶給我的那些短暫的幸福，
足以抵消往後的日子沒有你的長長的憂傷。
我看著我們唯一的一張合照，
是那次我們爬山之後拍的吧。
我累的笑容疲倦，你的笑容卻很靦腆。
大家說，你們好像舊時男女相親的模樣呢。
曾經，
這是我多麼愛聽的一句話啊。

儘管結局只有分離，
可是我還是要感謝你所給我的那些溫和的愛。
不記得是誰說過的，溫和的愛是世界上最可怕的力量，
它可以建立也可以摧毀一切事物。
還好，你溫暖了我這顆殘缺的心，
你從開始到現在，都只讓我感覺到了幸福，
雖然這些已經不復存在。

看過那紅顏白髮的故事，
慶倖自己遇到的不是會誤我一生的男子，
雖然弱水三千，你所取的並不是我這一瓢。
但是你卻讓我知道了，
這一生很長，
在這長長的一生當中，
可以遇見一個傾心的人，縱使如花美眷老了，
也是值得的。
這一生又很短，
短的我還沒來得及多笑幾次，
就彈指過去了。

有一天，無意看到一段話，
說的是海水乾涸，有兩條魚互相喂給對方嘴裏的唾沫籍以生存，
而當海水上漲，他們還是要分開來去，回到各自的天地。
那一刻我終於明白，
與其相濡以沫，不如相忘於江湖。
鏡花水月最後終歸虛無。
一切過往，都在我心褶皺處一筆劃滿，
再無其他。

人生之事，
你向我走來，而我也向你走去，
這樣簡單，已屬奇跡。
你我的遇見，已是最大的緣分。
從此青春不回頭。
人生聚散，再深的緣，終免不了一場分離。
種種你我之間的過往，
在時光中漸漸模糊，
只是一些細枝末節，早已養成習慣一般，
烙在我的生命裏，再也拋不去。

just read this somewhere.
it's so...

2007-03-27T20:47:00.000+08:00

wanted to say something but i forgot. supposed to be a happy thing.
hmm.

(0_0)...

2007-03-27T20:32:00.000+08:00

hellos people. here to blog again (DUH!)

today, i shall share about my mom. she can get so funny. yesterday i was telling her i'll be going to HK and barcelona at the end of the year and guess what? she thought barcelona's in taiwan. hahaa. so funny right.

and i really want to stay and work in taiwan. if not work, then study. man. i am like so looking forward to a life there. maybe i can just settle down there till i get married and give birth (if i ever), before coming back to singapore to give my child a better education. i seriously don't think i can afford international schooling for them in taiwan. i want to fly to taiwan now!

what can i do there? probably teach english. haha. so i better make sure my english is good enough to survive there, even though theirs is kinda horrible. if i can't make it as an english teacher, i guess i just have to make do with being a worker in a record/management company. haha.

what else? oh. seems like a lot of people are retaking their a's. saw xiaohan, the band girl, in school yesterday and today. was thinking why would she want to crash the school. then i saw weihao, the guy from aquila, today and i got a shock. but sorta guessed something. talked to him and yups, suspicion confirmed. he's in s16 now.

kinda surprised they can come back and retake cos new syllabus. hmm. anyways, khainam should be going to MI. man. i miss nam. if only he could come back but i think it's better to go to MI and continue with the old syllabus.

now, it got all of us wondering. are we all going do horribly for a's and come back to retake? i don't want it. it suck. being a j2 suck like crap. i would love to just stay in j1 forever, all my life, but all of us have to grow up don't we? damn.

okay. so much about having good english to survive in taiwan. mine really suck.

one last point. i think i am becoming more and more similiar to that loser/loner friend of mine. as in the tone and words we use, which is kinda bad.

:(

2007-03-25T21:13:00.000+08:00

hellos! i want to talk about iccs today. heee. basically it's coastal clean up and we went to clean up sungei buloh yesterday. anyways, the main point of the post is not about the cleaning but about bernice, my cca mate.

i tell you guys, bernice is really cute! i can't decide if she's a bung but i heard she is. anyway, she is really cute. like her eyes are gorgeous. and she had that innocent look once in a while. i told her,"你可以不要以那种无辜的眼神看着我吗?" sounds familiar? yes. it's what xiuyi told ruixi when he thought that he was a gay. yups. that's how cute bernice is. man. i really love her eyes. and she's so cute. easily amused okay. maybe, just that i am amusing to her. haha.

she loves to play with my hair. cos it seems so bouncy. haha. she bounces my fringe okays. and she thinks it's really fun and cute. so when i showed her how 'fun' it is to be bounced, as in i do it to her hair, she realised it's not that nice. but she just can't resist doing it. like how cute right? hahaa.

i sound like a lesbo. okays. sorry lah. hahaa. have this thing for cute girls. hahaa. so wrong.

then i was thinking, do guys think that guys look at each other and go,'so cute!' too? it seems kinda gay. but when girls do that, it's perfectly normal. guess i am just bias. (:

okays. i'm looking at mr tang's pictures now. his 'perfect' complexion, nicely toussled hair, beautiful eyes and cute smile. whoo! and he will pout once in a while and have weird expressions. oh man. i have no idea what to say about it. 语无伦次.

okays. i sound like a perv. hahaa. anyways, mellie, mello, nanz and sam think i am a perv. haha. they think i have an obession with sam's boobs, which is obviously not the case.
(:

randomness ends here. love you people.
(:

2007-03-21T16:45:00.000+08:00

hey hey! haha. changed the pic. cos i so love this part of the ng scenes where he 撒娇. haha.

kinda pixelated. try my best to make it better, when i have the time. till then, bear with it lah.

good thing, the face kinda blurred. haha. ashamed of him.
((:

2007-03-21T16:02:00.000+08:00

just changed my blogskin. something different this time round.

purple background. love this colour. not too bold or light. easy on the eyes.

mr tang's picture. i chose this picture because i don't want to show his full face. and it shows him in the recording studio, doing what he loves most, singing.

of cos, the main selling point is it shows his hand. that beautiful left hand with long slender fingers holding the pencil.

alrightys. my weird obession with left handers. haha.

hmm. what else? oh. the song. it's the instrumental of 最爱还是你. taken off his wretch. haha.

i'm quite a stealer from his wretch. shh. haha.

alrightys. i really should go and rest and start studying soon. i'm still having blocks! haha.

(:

2007-03-21T12:58:00.000+08:00

i wanted to type out this post in chinese, because it has more "feel" in chinese. it's a really tedious process so i still hope to achieve the aim. but if i do give up halfway, don't blame me okay. anyways, not likely you'll finish reading it. i have a feeling it'll be a really long cheena post. okays. here comes.

我曾经喜欢猴子，青蛙，粉红色。现在喜欢上了横线条(horizontal stripes)，深紫色(royal purple)。熟悉的感觉吗? 对了，就是我喜欢过的人喜欢或相似的东西。

我认为喜欢一个人，就会喜欢上他的一切。

喜欢一个人的时候会常常想起他，每一件事都会联想到他。每一个背影都会是‘他’。

我的口味是比较怪一点，喜欢的人都怪怪的。也因很奇怪的原因而喜欢上他们。

自己本身很常批评喜欢的人。说他娘，俗辣，自大，超级自恋，没有用，没有talent。但我就还是很喜欢他。我真的是怪脚一个。哈哈。

昨天nexa让我做了一个心理测验。结果是我会因为喜欢上一个人而感到幸福。真的也。

我其实已经忘了我要说些什么，记忆力不好是这样子得啦。

anyways，我喜欢上一个人了。某位唐先生。虽然我好像已经讲了很多次但都是很肤浅的。

这次，真的，我喜欢上他了。就像我曾经喜欢姓张的一样，这么喜欢他。

"我偷偷想你嘴角就會笑"

我已经无法自拔的喜欢上唐先生了。

对，就这样。

我就是喜欢上一个不该爱得人。一个我对他又爱又恨的人。

他的自大让我受不了。他的无敌自恋让我有点恶心。还会不时的装可爱。

但我就是喜欢他那下私底下感性的一面。想很多的一面。

他常常有很不同的感触。根本和阿布一样。以我们常用的惯语就是emo kid。

我超不想承认我喜欢上他了，因为满丢脸的。

算了。看在我今天真的很爱他的份上，我要公告全世界。

我喜欢你，唐先生，超喜欢你。

他真的和姓张的很像。白白，肉肉，娘。

哈哈。我的典型嘛，永远逃不掉的宿命。

我对唐先生的喜欢，肯定会超出宝贝的。而且应该会比姓张的短暂。

但会在我的生命中留下痕迹，烙印。

至于对宝贝的爱，会一直留在我心里。毕竟，是不同等级的。而宝贝将会是持久性的。

好了，分享完毕，虽然并非完整但够了。

老人得去休息了。

祝，永远的单纯快乐。

(:

p.s. 我自称oh老人，因为我是老老人(pun intended)。而且我认为自己的思想蛮老人的。哈哈。

好眼淚壞眼淚唐禹哲客串演出

2007-03-07T23:24:00.001+08:00

love it. cos it has bawan. just sharing my love with you babes.

oh. and he has a very very nice, soft-spoken voice. not that i like the song but i love bawan!!

so cute!!
(:

2007-02-23T00:01:00.000+08:00

okays. i thnk i've been too obsessed with idolising again. back to those eg times. haha. the only difference this time round is i am way older. grand old age of 19. wow. as compared to the rest, i am so much older. haha. i might even be of age of the new coming idols soon. haha. oh nos.

so embarrassing to let people know i still idolise nowadays. but heck. i love baobei way to much to bother. and bawan too. haha. for the who-knows-how-many-millionth time i'm saying this, baobei is so cute! haha.

anyways, i am not the only one idolising so it's fine. i have my kakis, graceh and nexa. haha. you ahzunzun lovers. haha. everyone loves ahzunzun. why? do look beyond his flawless look and see people like bawan. haha. okays. this is kinda random. ah! i love baobei!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am making back for all the lost times i didn't spend with eg. haha.

((:

2007-02-22T22:11:00.000+08:00

hellos people. (:

i was an unhappy girl yesterday due to someone totally disregarding baobei but as what nex says, ignore such ignorant people. yes. they are just plain dumb, stupid, idiot, zuo yi quan fans. come on, she doesn't even call him zun, she calls him quan. how loving. hmph. she's not even qualified to be his fan lah. idiot.

anyways, i had an econs test yesterday during the first period. so sad right. the first thing i did after the CNY break is an econs test. at least blocks are after march hols, unlike other schools. hope i can pass. should be able to lah. i tried so hard to study for it and managed to crap the content out. please please please.

listening to bawan singing zui ai hai shi ni now. (: so nice. my bawan. hope i can check his thingy later at 11. i shall strive to stay on till then. jiayou!

what else? i love my CCA! have i mentioned this a million times before? oh wells. i shall say this again. i love GREEN! ((:

and i am going out with my PLC tomorrow. yays. been 3 months since we last met. time flew man. and only 7 will be coming tomorrow. oh wells. never mind. the core group is coming and that's enough. (:

okays. i am kinda surprised with the change in those i know from the past. really shocked. but as long as you are happy, i'm happy for you and will accept whoever you are now. love you still, even though you'll never read this. clau

and in OE, they are talking about bawan and baobei. haha. so cute. they call bawan mr tang or xiao tang. haha. wah. if bawan and baobei ever get together, i'll be damn high. haha. not like i'm not high just thinking about it. hahahahaahahaa. but baobei's not the type bawan likes lah. yah? haha. but she can get so adorable, all the time. haha. hate to not fall in love with her. haha. and she teh quite well too, the type bawan likes. haha.

oh. i just remember, i am turning into a teh pok! ahh! i was just talking to nicole yesterday and i was complaining about why i can't be short. and i teh when i said that. oh man. i felt so embarrassed after that. and zhenn says i'm very teh too. oh nos!

(:
love you people. and HAPPY THINKING DAY!
(:

2007-02-20T14:51:00.000+08:00

well well well. this post goes out to abu.

abu ah, i know it's very hard for you to accept that your injury ain't recovering at the rate it is expected to be and you are feeling really upset and frustrated over it. but, it can't be helped. i won't say i understand how you feel but you must be feeling damn bad.

watched the special just now. they left you out, didn't they. it's really mean of them. i don't even understand why in the first place they sent you and cal. it's so weird, so wrong. you only had cal throughout, and am i glad at least there's him. but it's not enough, he wasn't there for you all the time. i don't know. both of you seem to left out, so out of place. my poor boys.

digress a little. bawan is really zi lian and likes to qiang jing tou, and act cute. baobei pale in comparison. like i hardly see her. then agaain, maybe cos all my attention was focused on bawan. sorry baobei, sorry.

urgh. feeling really down. oh crap. should do my work now. :(

2007-02-19T01:11:00.000+08:00

call me emo. call me just wasting all my emotions. but i just love bawan's song! gosh. it touched me. haha. that sounds so wrong. guess i am just overwhelmed with the fact that he finally made it. presenting to you, tang yu zhe danson, 最愛還是你

沒開口的話怎樣才能懂

我好想把畫面倒帶回頭

你留在我心中熟悉的表情

每個溫暖純白的記憶穿越了距離

擁擠的人潮沒有人知道

我偷偷想你嘴角就會笑

不要說對不起也不要問原因(不要再問原因)

就讓世界不停的向前別忘記從前

最愛還是你這是我的決定 (沒有人能代替)

像宇宙相對的星互相吸引慢慢就會靠近

還是要愛你時間會證明我愛你的勇氣 (沒有人能代替)

牽著你的手才知道是永久 (一輩子不放手)

* 這一次我放棄了所有只為能與你相遇*

i love bawan!! lots and lots more than abu and possibly a little more than baobei. only now.
((:

2007-02-14T01:08:00.000+08:00

okays. all that i wrote just now is all gone due to some unforeseen circumstances. but nevermind. basically, i wrote about why it took me so long to update. cos i always not online. haha.

and i gushed over bawan againand again and again and again! ah! he is so cute. his eyes can dian me through the laptop. he is soft spoken and has pretty lips. a little sissy. and he is fair fair fair! and tall!! 178 eh. unexpected right. me too. haha.

ah! bawan is making life a little more exciting. it's been how long since i last gushed over someone? hmm. very long. haha. bawan is so cute! i am going to look him again later. haha. after this. ((:

and it's vday! yays! hope i get presents this year. didnt have any last year cos no school. please please please. happy valentine's day people! love you guys. love bawan!!

p.s. may i dream of him in a while's time. bawan!
((:

2007-02-01T00:34:00.000+08:00

i'm liking abu more and more. for his cuteness, his emo abilities, his sudden bouts of highness, his voice, him being able to see things in a different way. that's abu. someone who is mysterious. someone who make me want to find out more. somehow who i'll want to take care of, cos he is so vulnerable. what a cute little boy, and he happens to be a year my senior. technically speaking, 11 months and 1 day. haha. i seem to be contradicting myself in the earlier point. anyways, abu, jiayou! you must go on no matter how hard things get.
(:

2007-01-29T22:57:00.000+08:00

crap. i blogged yesterday. didnt get saved or published. thought it would at least be saved. now it's all gone. crap.

p.s. i miss weilun and i have this sense of emptiness and disappointment.

2007-01-21T14:52:00.000+08:00

yays. serene is a happy girl! done her work for human geog assignment due at 9am tomorrow! it's all up to sam to do the finishing touch now. yays! she finished studying for maths test and the vjc gp prelims too. she's only left with econs essay and chinese test to study for. it's a productive weekend. the last time she was so productive was when she did her integration tutorial, which was like 2 weeks ago. wow. let's get into the mugging momentum man.

anyways, i want to introduce a new friend of mine to you. she's called, my new-found friend. haha. or better known as my loser friend. haha. loser! haha. loser and i share quite a bit in common. like the people we can't stand, the attitude towards stuff and even our characters of being losers and loners. haha. say hello to my loser friend! she wants to work in borders and wants me to work in kino, cos i am apparently effectively bilingual (and that doesn't mean i can spell!), and we share meet for lunch at orchard mrt cos it's the middle point. haha. see, what a loser. haha. and my loser friend has suceeded in tempting me to buy an ipod, with her mr piddles. evil right. now i am trying hard to save for my ipod and my aim is to get it by 1st april, and this is not a joke! haha. lame.

met nexie twice! or should thrice. last sunday, last friday and yesterday. supposed to do work but we really cannot study together. haha. we tend to distract each other and of cos, thanks to zunnie and zhezhe too. ah yes, and the songs in her ipod, xavier i think. haha. but it was great spending time with her. thanks babe! and yes, refer to her blog on the major discovery we had on our lives.
p.s. it's regarding a particular boyband that we have no wish to associate ourselves with anymore. haha.

and! thanks to the miao miao high boys for looking after our stuff in the library when we went for dinner. thanks boys. we didn't ask you guys to help us but you did. such nice kids. thank you thank you! hope you guys will do well for o's even though it's only jan. so stop mugging so hard! hahaa.

what else? hmm. okays. i am a mad fan. obsessed with my hana people. especially baobei, zhezhe and zunnie. haha. zhezhe is so cute can! like woohoo! oh. and i look good when dressed like him. haha. okays. random. haha. it's sunday today! yays. i can see all my lovies later! woohoo!

what else? hmm. it's 6 more days to the s.h.e. concert! yays!

okays okays. off to my lovies! bye bye people!
(:

2007-01-16T16:32:00.000+08:00

i read too much into it didnt i?

it's been a year.

a year.

i couldn't stop thinking of what happened this time last year.

happiness. happiness.

now. all that's left is none.

i should stop thinking.

stop wondering.

stop getting all worked up over you.

damn.

2007-01-15T22:21:00.000+08:00

i don't know anymore.

i don't want to know.

you better not let me find out the truth.

i might just break down.

breakdown again.

and again.

and again.

damn.

feeling like crap now.

feeling used now.

feeling being played now.

feeling.

feeling.

feeling, nothing.

2007-01-14T01:32:00.000+08:00

突然间，我世界被打乱。似乎我应该高兴但我却，没有那个勇气去享这一切，因为担心，因为害怕，因为不想再失去你。好不容易的把你的一切慢慢的不去想起，一直催眠自己不可以因为你的一点一滴而轻易的受到影响。

今天我又想起你，而你也很巧的在这一天告诉我你想我。是天意吗?是一种缘分的指示吗?

这正是所谓的爱的深，伤的痛吧。与其说是你伤我，更应该说是自己想的太多，把自己伤的更痛。

当初要不是我那么看不开，想的那么死板，可能也不会有这么一天。我知道你会来这个部落格，在这再次的跟你说声对不起。我的自私让你也受了不少的伤害，让你痛苦了。至今，你也不知道到底是发生了什么事而我却一直没把事情的来龙去脉告诉你，就想要你原谅我。我真的是浑蛋。

对不起，但也要谢谢你一直的没把我从你的脑海里忘记。

我还是不知道应该如何继续这段感情，或者这段感情会有什么不测改变。就让我在此再次跟你说声，"i loved you. i love you. and will always love you. no matter what happens, you'll maintain a place in my heart, in that little hidden secret corner, and i will keep on missing you. this is my truest shoutout to you. sorry for being such a coward, not having the courage to approach you but i know you are doing fine, with people around supporting you, loving you. i might be jealous of them at times but i am really glad for their presence too. they have taken over my position to accompany you, love you, protect you. all these might be my own assumption but i am really happy to know that you are okay, you are happy, you are blessed, you are loved. it's enough. enough to keep me going, continuing my journey of life. babe, i really love you. hope you will love me long enough too. thanks for all the times, for everything. love you."

2007-01-14T01:19:00.000+08:00

专属天使 - Tank
我不会怪你对我的伪装
天使在人间是该藏好翅膀
人们愚蠢鲁莽
而你纤细善良
怎能让你为了我被碰伤

小小的手掌
厚厚的温暖
你总能平复
我不安的夜晚
不敢想的梦想
透过你的眼光
我才看见它原来在前方

没有谁能把你抢离我身旁
你是我的专属天使
唯我能独占
没有谁能取代你在我心上
拥有一个专属天使
我哪里还需要别的愿望

小小的手掌
大大的力量
我一定也会像你
一样飞翔
你想去的地方
就是我的方向
有我保护
笑容尽管灿烂

要不是你出现
我一定还在沉睡
oh绝望的以为
生命只有黑夜

你是我的天使吗?还是我想成为你的天使?我已经失去了知觉，可能也失去了自己。
心中不断的挣扎着，一直挣扎着。空荡荡的心，空荡荡的思绪，空荡荡的我。

2007-01-14T01:04:00.000+08:00

you are making my heart beat really fast now. it's so sudden, so shocking, yet sweet. it's like a surprise that started as a shock. hmm. that sounds weird aye? basically, i don't know if i should be elated or not. i am in a dilemma. what you sent me really struck me hard. in which way, i still can't really figure out.

聪明的人是不会挂念人，而是自己被挂念。偏偏我是个笨的人，没让自己被你挂念，反而一直挂念你。但我却笨的很开心。希望你偶尔也笨一下，有时想想我。。。。。

now, i am really lost. lost. lost. should i continue with this relationship the way it used to be until whatever incident happened or let it be. just let it be.

i don't have the courage to do anything, anything at all, before you texted me. now that i have replied that i do miss you, what should i do? what can i do? lost. feeling lost.

我真的不知道该怎么办。真的不知道。谁能帮帮我，帮我解决这个难题。

2007-01-07T23:34:00.000+08:00

okiedokes. back. gonna talk about my 2007 today. like finally. hahaa.

01 jan.
went to ikea. man, singaporeans are pathetic. seems like half of singapore's there on this very day, very time. so technically speaking, i'm a pathetic singaporean too. urgh. but i was there cos my parents have this chalet at night so it's on the way hence the dropping by. went to white sands after that. bought a doraemon pen, a nightmare handphone thingy and one piece! couldn't find the wei wei an book though. ): chalet! kinda bad at first cos it's my dad's ex-colleague's daughter's one year birthday bash. like so weird aye. but later on more of his colleagues came so the mood wasn't so weird anymore. yeah.

02 jan.
did my specs. went to grams and had curry! yays. saw ashleigh too. (: oh. and watched hana 7 again before going to bed. haha. cant get school started without my lovies. ((:

03 jan.
and it's start of school! not bad. but time table sucks. can you believe the amount of breaks i have? it's scary. i think if i were ever to add up my breaks, it might just exceed the number of hours my lessons occupy. dang. but it was pretty much okay. went to take a look at mass dance for orientation. boring. so doong and i went for a movie at vivo! yays. the experience wasn't fantastic though. we were in the second row from the front in a eight rows threatre and the fact we bought tickets 5 mins before the show starts meant rushing! haha. but deathnote 2 was good. way better than the first. and i applaud the scriptwriter for the great plot. well done! and the doggie shop sells such cute things and the doggies in the safari are so cute! didn't expect myself to say such things man. haha. ((:

04 jan.
my long break day! 6 hours actually, non-stop. nearly died during chapel cos too tired. played too much the night before thinking i can rest during this 6 hours. haha. did geog for 1+ hours before meeting the class for food then joining choo for mass dance again. haha. this time was fun! a lot more retainees came and they are real funny. haha. especially justin. haha. and there's this sji who did chori chori in a new way. haha. we laughed non-stop and took a video of it man. one of the jokers even went up to him and danced with him. haha. funny. in the second session of mass dance was another guy who's wearing a shirt that's really tight-fitting and pants that looks like it'll split anytime. when he dances, his butt will like move in a funny way. that's our entertainment for the next hour. haha. did geog again after leaving them to the principal talk. (:

05 jan.
not a bad day. school was okay. had cca. fun! haha. i'm loving greenie more and more. but now we have a disgusting name. eeyer. but ever since polka dots, i have not enjoyed a cca so much! ((: selling myself to greenie for slavery man. haha.

06 jan.
slacked. haha.

07 jan.
prata with nex. played and tokyo julieted at her place. vivo with og 7 after like a year. lyly's going to australia lah. great day even though only monica, florencia, shioks, lyly, windri, linda, kenneth, vickland and i went. had fun! love these people man. and i'm listening to 家後, the version ella sang. damn nice. damn sad. love it. my nose is going to drip soon. okays. off to enjoy!
(:

2007-01-04T01:15:00.000+08:00

in the process of transferring my stuff from the other blog back to here now so the archives is kinda empty. (:

2007-01-01T02:14:00.000+08:00

hmm. i wanted to blog about something down but after looking at ah hua, i can't help but cheer up. the only thing i want to say now is i am not alone. there is someone feeling the same way as i do. guess this happens to everyone at some point in time. i'll support you quietly. jiayou. (:

anyways, watching mtv chinese awards again for like the ten thousandth time. haha. w-inds now and i still get real high whenever they sing boogie woogie 66. haha. i am just someone who really knows how to zi high. haha.

okays. shall go back to my onlyella and mtv. cya people. i hope you are enjoying twenty oh seven fine. cos i am enjoying mine all till now. all 2 hours and 34mins of it.
(:

2007-01-01T01:32:00.000+08:00

first post of twenty oh seven.

i must say one thing. bus trips are really thought provoking. mrt trips too.

on the mrt today, i had flashbacks of my polka dots life. first, it was the agreement i had with ning to retire in koichi's hometown when we grow old. not sure if it's still on even though i really liked the idea of it. but it has to depends on my financial and marital status i guess. then i recalled the times when kiran and i decided that we should earn our first million by 25 before going on a world tour together.my future all of a sudden. haha.

okay okays. i'm going back to my showbiz and hana. i love ah hua and bawan!!!!!

((:

2006-12-28T00:28:00.000+08:00

i've been wanting to blog for a long time but i kept on forgetting to do so, or i just don't have the time. anyways, christmas is over! and i didn't do much. nothing special. the only highlight is probably the fact that while the whole world is counting down at places like town or vivo, i was having supper at amk central. haha. what a sad life aye. (:

work is okay, but i'm been overworked for a week. like midnight sales and full shift and morning shifts immediately. i could have collapsed yesterday if wen wasn't nice enough to bring my break forward by a day. then again, it was because stock was coming in today so she couldn't afford to let me off for the day. haha. i slept for like 16hours yesterday, clocking a brand new record of waking up at 7.37pm! yays! haha.

basically, what i've been wanting to say for a long time is that i am so happy, so comfortable with the environment i am now in, that i don't feel like leaving the place at all. even going back to my happy school life is not going to make things any easier. i already miss the funny aunties! my most loved joey! ah! ahzu! my wu nv lao shi! gosh. i'll miss her so. today she just commented that i haven't talked back to her for one whole day. and i asked her if she'll miss me. guess what she said? she told me to call back once a day to talk back to her. haha. she'll miss me so. how can i bear to leave her?! sigh.

once again, i'll thank you guys for being there for the past 2 months.
my managers. sharon tay, jennifer ong and karin chun. only karin stayed the longest but i have known sharon since last year. i'll never forget these 2 because one is so cute and the other, so pretty.

my supervisors. wendy, sharon lee and aloysius. i love wen so much! since i worked for her last year, she seems to be a lot cuter now. and she's real sacarstic at times. but i love her for that. sharon lee is someone who i only got to know for a while but she's nice. like a kid herself. i still can't believe her kid is like a few years old already. and her hubby sure is tall. haha. aloy. funny guy with a funny accent and a funny character. gonna miss him so much! and he loves to suddenly burst out singing. haha. funniest guy ever.

my ba. joey, valerie, cindy, helen, lynn, yenny, selene, sofhie. hope i didn't leave anyone out. they are one funny bunch of aunties and young ladies! without them around, there's always laughter. man. i am so bias but i love joey!!!!! okays. (:

my cashiers. erica and gigi. erica is my gao ren and she's really fantastic. she's the one i was having supper with when the whole world was counting down to christmas. haha. gigi is a teacher figure and she's really knowledgeble with a sense of humour at times. haha.

my partner. katherine aka ah kat aka lao mei. she's weirdly funny. haha. this sounds so bad. haha. i have learnt to enjoy her company over the days. times with her in the store will be greatly missed.

star appearances. jasmine mung and jacqueline, they appear once a week but they are 2 funny ladies. ah mung is so cute. she pampers her daughter like she's a princess and ah jac is one who looks real young. she is 28 but she looks 22. recently, she got her hair done in a punk style and dyed dark red, she looks 19 or 20. it's difficult to even guess that her age, lest the fact that she's married.

guest appearances. xiao wendy from cck and sarah from ps. wendy came for a day and she's really bubbly. made that day really brighter. sarah was with us for about 2 weeks or more. she's one malay girl who really enjoys watching hongkong korean dramas. her family even subscribes to cable channel 55 and 56! haha.

anyways, i really enjoyed the time spent with this group of ladies and i really don't feel like leaving them but i don't have a choice, do i. so, i am going to enjoy the last 4 days with them and hope they will ask me along for the next karaoke outing! haha. it will be one hell of a fun time! yays!

it's the 28th already. people, school is starting for a few of us while most will be working or looking for jobs while waiting for results. there are even a few who will be enjoying orientation. i am so gonna miss everyone! i keep telling myself that i will put my best into studying next year but i don't know where to get the motivation from. but there's no choice for me except that i really have to put my everything into studying for a's. i still hope to meet you guys in uni, especially my poly friends. loves, we have to get into uni together okay. don't leave me there alone. jojo or mich, i do want to get into the same course with you in uni. so wait for me okays. we will do it together. man. talking about the future is making me all sentimental.

just now on the bus i was even thinking of what course to take in uni. film studies/mass comm tops the list but i want to do something that has to do with chinese too. weird but i want to. sociology sounds good too. the other day, mabel from marketing came to help with midnights sales and she told me she took sociology in uni. she's my senior from sa by the way. seems like sociology is a course that suits my criteria because i want to do something that have to do with the masses, the people.

i don't know. i don't know. somehow in singapore there's nothing much you can achieve with the arts. was trying to introduce some esplanade programs to lynn and erica this afternoon and lynn sugggested that i should go into the threatre industry because i seem to have a passion for it. but, how do one survive just working in the threatre. it'll take years before one can have a stable income. like what zunnie said in ylbfb yesterday, no one in brunei dreams about being an artise. guess that's the situation in singapore too.we are too constrained by the standards set by our ancestors, our parents, the society and probably, by the way we are brought up. dang. it'll be good if i weren't born into this society. then again, i might have been in a worse situation like being in a third world country.

i don't want to think so much but i can't. i can't. school life is supposed to be the happiest time in life. i just have to learn to enjoy 2007. may 2008 be better. okays. too much brain juice is being used up in this post. gotta rest my mind now. cya people. love you all.

2006-12-18T00:54:00.000+08:00

it's been like years since i last had an idol. okay. a real idol, the way i used to idolise eg. and now, the lucky winner this time round is.....zhezhe!! haha. okays, yuzhe, or more commonly known as tang yuzhe. if you still don't get it, it's okay. he is even more commonly known as nan xuezhang in hana kimi. get it? finally? cool. (:

anyways, as i am saying, it's been years since i had an idol. yes people, i hear you. david and dongliang ain't my idols. they were just passing by at the correct time. =D ever since eg times, i haven't logged onto yahoo jiazu to find pictures of an artise. just to find yuzhe's photos, i looked up and down, left and right, in and out. joined jiazus, went to websites that might contain just a little about yuzhe. doesn't this sound so like the time when i was into eg? (:

my taste in people is always the weirdest thing you guys find about me. you doubt my taste. seriously, my taste is a little weird. hee. but hey! i'll prove to you guys that yuzhe will make it big soon. by then, don't come telling me how cute he is, cos i told you guys first. (:

you guys just don't appreciate my taste yah. shing keeps on telling me that yuzhe is ugly and da dong and zunnie is cuter. she even told me not to discriminate people from brunei. eh babe, i am not okay. i know they are cute, but now, yuzhe is the cutest. heee. (:

anyways, the main focus of this post is to tell you that i am finally back in the scene again! the idolising scene. heehee. and i love yuzhe. he's making me feel the way i felt when i liked wei. yays!

lastly, i bought hana's pictorial book, soundtrack and play mag today! and it's all about ah hua and zunnie and da dong and yuzhe today. tell me i am a happy girl man. ((:

oh. and finally i realised which artise i liked most in my life other than daniel. she happens to be a he in hana. ah hua! she's so cute can. i love her a lot. seems like ever since 2001, i've been liking her. that's a long long time of 5 years. it's called long-term love. haha. unlike wei's which is super sudden and passionate and totally short-term.

p.s. this post is so choppy. guess my mind isn't working the right way now. too high over ah hua. ((:

2006-12-11T22:51:00.000+08:00

one thing i forgot to mention.

picked wyn from work on saturday. while waiting for her, i roamed marina square and reached groove nation, a part where there are live performances. caught a perfomance by this group called collide. 3 guys, one bassist, one guitarist/vocals, one main guitarist/back-up vocals. their music is simple. actually, they performed mostly known hits except for the finale piece which is an original composition by the main guitarist. it's titled failing vision. not a bad piece.

anyways, i found the simple, basic joy of enjoying music. just a guitar and vocals will do. the bass only comes in in certain parts. it's good. good music. we should encourage more of such performances. such unexpected performance always make my day. the last time i enjoyed such a performance is by phil winds, a little more than a year ago. till today, it's still a beautiful accident. (:

i remember the first thing i spent my pay on was the machi album. this time round, the first thing i am going to spend it on will be the tickets to the budak pandai showcase. then it'll go to the paying for jack & the bean-sprout followed by probably tickets to phantom of the opera and titoudao. and of course, the S.H.E concert. haha. pure cheesy chinese bubblegum pop. yays! haha.

i want to get an album too. probably get the Jazz In The City 2. heard it the other day. not too bad. or some other jazz album. the only jazz album i have is Jazz In The City and it's with dha, since like forever. haha. or i might just get a christmas album. 'tis the season to be jolly. and more money to go to wen's present and christmas presents for all. whoa. seems like pay is not enough. too bad. cpf took off quite a bit. oh wells. have to make do with what i have.

okays okays. back to my solitare. love you guys.
(:

2006-12-11T21:47:00.000+08:00

okays people. i am back! hee. and thanks to the new explorer which i downloaded unknowingly, this window looks weird with different fonts. urgh. anyways, let's not allow this little thing to dampen our mood.

today, i shall introduce someone to you guys. he goes by the name, aloysius saw. aloy is my supervisor now, wynny's ex supervisor. he also happens to be the guy with the weirdest sense of humour. one classic example.

aloy walks into the office. ah girl was doing a blow job.
aloy,"ah girl, wen leh?" (ah girl, where's wen?)
ah girl,"ta qu chi fan." (she went for dinner)
aloy,"ta qu chi fan? wei shen me ta qu chi fan? ta zen me ke yi qu chi fan." (she went for dinner? why did she go for dinner? how can she go for dinner.)
ah girl just kept quiet, couldn't be bothered the tiniest bit about him.
aloy after about fifteen seconds.
aloy,"haha. kai wan xiao er yi lah. haha." (haha. i'm just joking. haha.)
ah girl: (-_-)

see. how retarded loy is. how weird is his sense of humour. i can't help but be amazed by it. and he also is the most embarrassing guy i've ever known.

erica brought helen, yenny, aloy and ah girl shopping at espirit. aloy decides to buy a box of underwear. he passed the thing to erica as she's paying first. then aloy decided to display his sense of hunour again. pointing to the box, he said,"ah. see. erica buying for boyfriend." like diao... no one showed any reaction anyway. after paying, aloy took the receipt from erica to check the price. on the receipt it shows size S. aloy was so surprised because he supposedly bought M. so he took out his box of boxers on the escalator and said,"M mah." then he did the most embarrassing thing ever. he removed one pair of underwear from the box and held it in the middle of the air, looking at the size, making sure it was right. like hello! we happen to be in a very crowded part of town. helen, yenny and ah girl decided to make a dash back to the shop, running as far away from aloy as possible. as you think everything has come to an end, no! aloy went home, holding the box if underwear on his hands. no carrier, nothing. just the box of underwear. he refused to take a bag and carry it inside. so our main lead, aloysius saw, went home, in his really pretty clothes and a box of underwear. the end.

get my point? about 20 more days with him. wish me luck and hope i don't puke blood or suffer from internal bleeding by the end of december.
keep my thoughts from running wild.
((:

2005-09-25T21:17:00.000+08:00

i work fast.
new blog.
http://torn-and-lost.blogspot.com
the password's the same.
(:
see you there.

2005-09-25T20:53:00.000+08:00

okay.
added a password to my blog. why? i don't know.
just felt like doing it.
gonna move my blog soon.
ya.
(:

2005-09-24T15:53:00.000+08:00

yeah baby!! it's me. haha. must be wondering why this chabo so high now right, instead of like almost dead from mugging. hee. sorry la. i am such a loser can. i just can't set my mind on hardcore mugging la. later. i will. later. hee. keep your fingers crossed. hee.

anyway, i want to say about the bbq yesterday!! hahaa. so much fun!! okay. it was a bbq organised by nana, nexa and jia. haha. dam fun la!! i didn't help much in the bbq-ing part cos there's no space for me ma. hee. but we played zhong ji mi ma!! haha. the punishment is to drink this drink put together with lots of ingredients that i don't want to know about. hahaa. the loser from the previous round will have the honour of mixing the drink. haha. everyone drank except nexa so she's the ultimate winner. haha. but we cheated la. haha. and one of na's friend got so high that he couldn't stop laughing. haha. must be cos of the butter and oil he drank. haha. he was dam funny to look at. haha.

oh. played hai da with nex. man. i think we really have telepathy la. for the first 4 times, we started with the same action. haha. dam funny. it's like so jinxed. haha. oh. and nana's friend rayner is so entertaining and funny. haha. and he is so gay. haha. he rocks la. haha.

had so much fun yesterday!! hope to have a bbq again soon. hint hint. hee.

2005-09-22T20:52:00.000+08:00

i..i don't know. wanted to say i'm like finally studying. but, my mood's not there now. i'm disheartened. man. my english suck. that line sounds/looks really weird. man. am i going to pass my gp? i hope. pass anything else? i better.

grace, no worries. we can do it. like i said. promos are meant for promoting. we can do it. (just on a saver note, keep our fingers crossed.)

people, we must go on fighting!! don't give up!! yups!! jiayou!!! love love love. mwahhs.

2005-09-20T21:41:00.000+08:00

i don't know what i feel like now. was watching a mv just now. love the feeling it gives. makes my heart go all cold. i am weird. oh wells.

you were so close today. yet, so far. no thumping of heart. no blushing. think you are really history now, or maybe, you weren't even there to start with. oh wells.

love you people.

2005-09-16T21:42:00.000+08:00

i have bad point. at least i think it's bad. i'm too trusting at times. well. can't help it right.

oh wells. anyway for you people out there, you know who you are, i do know what is going on in your minds. i know. just that i have no wish to declare war cos i do love peace and don't like trouble. yups. but just don't think i act as if i don't know doesn't mean you can go on with it. oh well. you guys won't even read my blog in the first place. lastly, i like to say i really don't give a damn about what you think cos it's my life. and i live it the way i want(:

well. happy mugging dears. mwahhs.

2005-09-14T18:02:00.000+08:00

i wanted to bitch about this friend of mine who refuses to grow up and her actions are making me very pek chek. really wanted to. but, after some time and some thinking, i realised i shouldn't and won't. cos everyone is different, everyone has their own characteristics and personalities. no one is perfect. it's mean to bitch about her when i mayself makes a lot of people pek chek at times, including you who are reading.

somehow, i think i've grown up a bit more today. just a little tweeny bit. but, it's better than nothing. (:

i'm sick of life now. but, i should stop saying that too eh. cos i chose this route, i should persevere on. i should just stop complaining cos everyone feels the same too. i believe.

it's so difficult being nice and all but i'm going to try. so if you next see me nice and sweet and non-bitchy, believe me. it's really me. if you ever see me like that. ya.

this post is quite random yeah. oh wells. happy mugging people. jiayou. (:

2005-09-13T20:39:00.000+08:00

woohoo!! i know this is very random but my new blogskin looks so cute!! hee. i love it. it's like dam random la. okay. haha.

just watched pride too!! you know..takukimu. haha. oh my god!! he is dam cute la!! dam dam dam cute!! haha. hockey rocks!! haha. okay. ice hockey rocks too!! haha. i rock. haha.

met liz today to return her her nephew. haha. dam fun. more powerpuff. oh no. i'm turning into a powerpuff freak!! haha.

okay. this is dam random. i keep on saying this is dam random. haha. oh oh oh. i love mayday for this hokkien songs. they accompanying me for mugging. hee. hokkien rocks!! haha. dam random.

okay okay okay. time to try and get some mugging done, with my hokkien songs. hee. byeeeee!!

2005-09-10T20:40:00.000+08:00

okay okay. i apologise for not blogging for so long. hee. i'm a lazy bum la. so. hee. aiyah. i think i sorta forgot what i want to blog about. shit. let me think ah. okay. got back a little.

i know this sounds weird but it's cruel to eat the other parts of animals other than the meat. such as the head, intestines, etc. yucks. it's like so cruel. haha. i'm weird right. hee. i keep telling myself i have to refrain from eacting meat cos of the poor animals but, sigh. i keep on forgetting too. i shall try from tomorrow yeah. wish me luck. and yes, this means no more kfc and macs. dam. i'm already starting to regret. haha. i doubt i'll succeed but hey, i'll try. so remember to remind me the next time we eat yeah. hee.

and you know, there is this dam nice phone from sony ericsson called w800i. i think i a bit slow la. only say now but i haven't blogged for a long time. ya. hee. so, you know, i also by the way like the phone a lot ah. and it's about a month away from a very big day ah. so, you know what i mean right. no. don't shake your head and try and act stupid. my friends are all very intelligent. cousins included. hee.

k la. i don't know what else to say. hee. cheenas rock!! haha. so do ah lian and ah huay. hee. if you don't understand, don't bother trying. haha.

bye. tCare. love you people. mwahhs. (:

2005-08-21T21:18:00.000+08:00

i need people by my side now. i feel so down. so out. so alone.
why? why is this happening? i don't know.
i was happy about an hour ago.
now, i'm down and out.
________________________________________________________
had lots of fun today. tuition was boring and unproductive as usual. went for lunch with ahma.
ahma, i'll be by you all the time. just gimme a call yeah. i love you so much.
________________________________________________________
went to do the fiming for jo. had fun too. i'm high all the time la. by myself. haha. it was fun. (: i love her teammates. and the actors too. yups. dam funky and cute. hee. =D
________________________________________________________
icf on friday. enrolment too. enrolment sucks, as expected. icf. okay la. wasn't paying attention most of the time. we were in a world of our own. hee. we acted like it was our icf. hee. exchanged lots of stuff. our personal life. everything. went for dinner after that. talked more. hee. decided on who's the first to be married and stuff. haha. dam fun.

concluded that mello's first child will be a guy. and she wants it to be a girl. too bad dear. guy it shall be. hee. and decided that i'll be the first to be married. haha. cos i do things on impluse. so i'll get married first. haha. dam funny la. and i'll be the first to be divorced too. like, i'll be married at 21, divorced by 21 1/2. haha. so me eh. and keep on changing boyfriends after that. and adopt like 4 kids. give birth to one. hee. and all our kids shall form a soccer team. haha. we do think far eh.
_________________________________________________________
thought about the previous topic a lot after friday. decided that i might just get back to my first husband at the end. when i'm like 50 and all alone. and he too. hee. think too much la. haha.
_________________________________________________________
by the way, my angel, can you leave a contact for me please. cos i might need to talk to you sometimes. and i can't possibly blog about all my deepest secret and all, right? just an email will do. yups. please. cos i think i'll need you a lot soon. (: love you.
__________________________________________________________
i am going to kill a lot of people tomorrow. actually only 2 la. haha. i am going to throw daggers at them. hahahhahaa. beware boys. hee.
__________________________________________________________
i still feel down. oh well. maybe the flu is making me feel like that. well. take care of yourself people. don't fall ill like me. yups. love you people. no kisses today. don't want to pass virus. yups. (:

2005-08-14T03:20:00.000+08:00

time, seems to be moving too fast for me.
too fast.
i can't grasp it in my hand.
i can't...

don't leave me yet.
don't.
i don't want to face the cold, hard truth.
i can't accept you leaving.

why is everyone leaving?
why?
what happened to those times when we pledged till forever?
have they gone with the wind?

i can't accept this.
one by one, you disappear from my life.
one by one, you fade away.
one by one, followed by
another one by one.

time has past,
another has left.
nothing can't be said,
nothing can be done.

i...

2005-08-14T03:10:00.000+08:00

right now, i only need love from my friends. all of them. everyone is important to me now. at this period, i need you people. do you need me too?

it's the stress period for everyone. or so, i believe. for those with o's, n's, promos, tests, projects, everything. i miss all you people. i really do. especially those overseas or going overseas. chiayi, stepho, gita, everyone. i miss you guys.

all the friends whom i've drifted from. you know who you are. i still love you guys a lot. really. of cos, to all those who are dear and close to my heart, don't ever leave me. promise? i won't be able to cope if you guys leave.

no matter what, no matter where, no matter when, i love you guys. every single one of you. be it present or past. i love you.

2005-08-11T19:27:00.000+08:00

I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
and I've been secretly falling apart,I'll see.
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
you'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
you turn every head but you don't see me.

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
and you'll realise that you love me.

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,sometimes,
the first thing you want never comes,
and I know, the waiting is all you can do,
sometimes...

I'll put a spell on you,
you'll fall asleep,
I'll put a spell on you,
and when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
and you'll realise that you love me.

I'll put a spell on you,
you'll fall asleep 'cos I'll put a spell on you,
and when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
and you'll realise that you love me, yeah...

by Aqualung

2005-08-11T19:05:00.000+08:00

i've been thinking. thinking about everything, everyone. i realised, the world is so imperfect. not like i didn't know before but it just hit me hard now.

i don't know. feel so lost. feel so alone. feel so empty.

i want to scream. i want to run. i want to...i don't know what i want.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

I walk a lonely road
The only one I that have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But its home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh
Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And were I walk alone

Read between the lines of what's
Fucked up and every things all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh
Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Were the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a..

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I'll walk alone!

2005-08-07T21:08:00.001+08:00

i have realised. realised that people around me are changing. for the better or worse, i have no idea. anyway, i am in no position to comment too. cos i think i'm slowly changing too. this may sound weird to you guys but if you noticed, i have mellowed a lot. if that's the correct word to use. my vocab sucks. anyway, ya. i am like so much quieter now. i think i'm under tremendous stress. for some reason. sigh. anyway, i don't give a damn about that. fell in love with a song yesterday.

open arms by journey.

Lying beside you, here in the dark
Feeling your heart beat with mind
Softly you whisper, you're so sincere
How could our live be so blind
We sailed on together
We drifted apart
And here you are by my side

So now I come to you, with open arms
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
So here I am with open arms
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me
Open arms

Living without you, living alone
This empty house seems so cold
Wanting to hold you, wanting you near
How much I wanted you home
But now that you've come back
Turned night into dayI need you to stay.

(chorus)

i am in love. i bet you know what i mean. hee. if you don't, go and check out your friendster and look for my love testimonial. hee.

2005-08-05T21:22:00.000+08:00

well. i have so many things to update about that i can't decide which one to start with!! hee. well. erm.

went to np today. to audition for jo. hee. met nana and nexa. wanted to go back with them but sigh, jo booked me first. hee. met guotai too. man. his hair is woohoo. but ah, brother, please change the pair of specs though you just changed it not long ago. hee. come on la. it destroys the whole thing. hee. oh. the audition's rather fun. i love jo's group members. super funky!! yeah man. hee. love them to da core. hee.

went back to mi too. actually just sat outside stoning la. didn't dare to go in by myself. cos in saints tee ma. man, i miss the days there so so so so much. saw bastid but i doubt he noticed or remember me. sigh. he still looks the same. (: glad to know that.

oh. i donated blood on wed. dam exciting la. hee. it's rather painless too. not a bad experience. think i gonna go and do it again. anyone joining? hee. and i've got a dam cute bright orange smiley bandage. hee. rocks la. it's like so me. hee.

erm. what else? oh. ffff last friday. dam fun!! took tons of photos and played that stupid "ho ho ho" game. haha. we ended hee-ing, ha-ing, meh-ing. haha. dam funny. went for supper after that. dam fun. played hai dai in the shop la. my god. it's so embarrassing. hee. but, it was an enjoyable experience. and i think we are going to play that in the prata shop next time. haha.

okay. what else i there i left out? oh ya!! ah ma's in the same tuition class with me!! woohoo!! dam funny la. the minute we saw each other, we were hugging and jumping and screaming. haha. i bet her friends are all shocked. hee. so typical us. man. i love her. can't wait to see her every sunday.

and. i love you guys!! hee. obviously i've ran out of things to say. oh!!! i watched charlie and the chocolate factory already. hee. okay. stop being jealous of me. haha. it's dam cute la. especially the oompa loompa. if i got the name right. he is dam cute. and sings dam cute too. haha. we were saying he is the lead instead. hee. "willy wonka, willy wonka!!" hee. watch it man.

finally, when the creative memory jucies has ran out, i say bye. hee. love ya to the core. hope we get to see each other soon. whoever you might be. (: oh. just remembered another thing. beobei is not coming back anymore. that stupid eva company lady!! urgh!! i wanna kill her!! she sucks!! sigh. can only see baobei next year. sigh. and gita is leaving in 9 days time. sigh. so gonna miss her soon. i miss all you people overseas!! especially baobei and stepho!! miss you guys.

okay. this is really the ending. bye. take care. love ya. mwahhs.

2005-07-28T21:53:00.000+08:00

i haven't blogged for so long. have so many things to update. here comes. but i need to advise you, it's going to be really long.

16 july 2005
woohoo!! went out to celebrate wynny's birthday with ah chuan, candy, bobby, lynsey, xueping, shing and xinying. had so much fun!! we were snapping non-stop. all the way from suntec to clarke quey. which means we have to pass through the esplanade and fullerton. if you happen to be there that night, and if you saw 4 siao chabos snapping away, i bet it's us. hee. i mean, we were capturing every single minute of our journey. when after we reached coffee bean, we were still snapping. i think we really let loose that day. not like we are normally sane but that day was super insane. hee. wrote thoughts and wishes for wynny. tried to use my method of expressing my love to her but she didn't appreciate it. then again, not many people can take in my way of expressing love. try asking mello or siti. hee. after 12, we decided to go for a stroll so went cruising around the pub area, all the way to club street. it's almost one when we finally left for home. bunked over at shing's place after that. it's such a fun day!! i love my cussies!! can't wait to meet up with them again. this saturday yeah. must come ah. love you peeps.
http://retards-birthday.mypicgallery.com/

18 july 2005
today, some f**king bastard totally destroyed my day. i mean, can you stop being so irritating, childish, annoying, totally disgusting bastard?! urgh! would you mind if you don't bitch or gossip behind me. like right behind me. if you want to do it, just say it out loud. i won't like kill you or what. don't act as if you are such a big shot when you are a coward deep in your heart. i didn't do anything to you. at least i don't remember doing anything to you since the first day. i have no idea how you come to this conclusion that you hates me but just f**k off. get out of my sight! i'm not even hanging near you now. so, f**k off. ya. f**k off. i hope you go to hell. really. and i think i'll go to hell for saying this but i don't care. go to hell.
(had to censor cos my friends don't appreciate such language.)

other than that two days, there's nothing much memorable. at least i didn't remember. hee. but i found out that someone i know is getting on my nerves. but i still love her. she's mature most of the times but she can be rather kiddish too. especially these days. but, no matter what happens, i still love her.

learning fest was fun by the way. i totally enjoyed myself. and just remembered. he pissed me off again yesterday. urgh. ah!! i must go and save the grasshopper in my bag now. totally forgot about it.

till i blog again, take care.
love you.

2005-07-06T19:22:00.000+08:00

ah!!! i'm robbie mad now. haha. anyway, i want to say hugh jackman is so hot!!! hee. just watched kate and leopold for the 3rd time!! haha. i think hugh is so so so charming. awww. heee.

basically, kate and leopold is about kate and leopold. hahaha. don't kill me for this lame sentence. i'm very high now. hee. okay. kate is being played by meg ryan and of course, hugh jackman is leopold. in the show, leopold is a 19th century duke and my my my, he is such a gentleman with fine manners and treats ladies the way they should be treated. and he is definitely charming. full of charisma. on the other hand, kate is a 21th century executive and due to fate and lots of other reasons, which i have no wish to state, they met. sigh. that's the start of a fairytale.

the best part of the movie is when kate's brother asked him who he really is, cos no one actually believed leopold is a duke from the 19th century, he replied,"i am the man who loves your sister." awww. i'm melting. gonna get the vcd. do or die. hee. oh..and the way he speaks. sigh. (: he is the prefect guy. leopold!! =D

2005-07-05T19:59:00.001+08:00

i know this is a little slow but i just so love angels by robbie williams. heard him sing it during live 8 and i watched that part like 3 times!! hee. man. he is so hot when he sang that song. hee.

angels by robbie williams.

I sit and wait
does an angel contemplate my fate
and do they know
the places where we go
when we´re grey and old
´cos I´ve been told
that salvation lets their wings unfold
so when I’m lying in my bed
thoughts running through my head
and I feel that love is dead
I’m loving angels instead

and through it all she offers me protection
a lot of love and affection
whether I’m right or wrong
and down the waterfall
wherever it may take me
I know that life wont break me
when I come to call she wont forsake me
I’m loving angels instead

when I’m feeling weak
and my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
and I know i'll always be blessed with love
and as the feeling grows
she breathes flesh to my bones
and when love is dead
I’m loving angels instead

and through it all she offers me protection
a lot of love and affection
whether I’m right or wrong
and down the waterfall
wherever it may take me
I know that life wont break me
when I come to call she wont forsake me
I’m loving angels instead

2005-07-02T23:07:00.000+08:00

live 8

we dont' want your money. we want your name. make poverty history. put your name on the live 8 list.

live8live.com

2005-06-25T01:46:00.000+08:00

『Life's A Struggle』

正当我睁开双眼踏入这个世界
妈妈给我生命现在让我自生自灭
这让我恐惧在我的眼里每个人都戴着面具
回想过去难道生命就是这样延续？
我抽烟抽得我的肺都黑了
就像整个社会被人心笼罩着它也是黑的
我背着宿命的十字架
也渴望Power, paper and respect
我想这大概就是human nature
佛家说烦恼即是菩提我暂且不提
我倒是希望能够回到母体
老妈对不起我时常把你气得跺脚
你说你后悔当初没有把我堕掉
每当我放学回家放下那沉重的背包
家里空无一人只残留着你香水的味道
那时我知道你那天晚上又要加班
我打开冰箱拿出微波炉吃冰的晚餐
老爸在凌晨两点钟醉醺醺地回家
我从睡梦中醒来只听到你们在吵架
我没有办法专心面对第二天的考试
老师他不喜欢我我也不喜欢老师
我讨厌穿制服我讨厌学校的制度
我讨厌训导主任的嘴脸讨厌被束缚
That's true
很多人不屑我的态度他们说我太cool
警察不爽我都曾将我逮捕
I don't give a fuck about 人家说什么
他们想说什么就说什么但是他们算什么
没有谁有权利拿他的标准衡量
我主宰是我自己随便人家如何想我还是我
爱钱的女人只给凯子摸
不懂得用保险套的人别嫌孩子多
金钱力量虽大却生不带来死不带走紧
握着双拳的人们何时能松开手？

**Life's a struggle 日子还要过
品尝喜怒哀乐之后又是数不尽的troubles
Everyday 有多少问题要去面对
有多少夜痛苦烦恼着你无法入睡…

法庭严肃的空气逼得我快不能呼吸
当时面临着终生监禁的我开始反省
铁栏杆之后又是个截然不同的景象
刑犯们眼神中看不到一点和平的气象
仅有一寸短的铅笔写的是监狱风云
日记上描绘的不是美好的户外风景
自由在他们眼里才是憧憬
放一把自制武器在枕头旁以防随时有人偷袭
有些人怀疑老婆在外偷情
有些人把家人寄来的信件一张一张好好收集
有些人二十四小时几乎在床上休息
有些人精神失常因为受不了打击
三个月如火如荼的漫长等待已过去
出狱后的我得面对三年的缓刑期
这也好一生中第一次感觉到幸福
但生命中的考验何止如此我不清楚
我不知道接下来还有什么会发生
翻开报纸的新闻又是看到放火杀人
还记得某年无意间发现的照片
上面有阿姨对男人施行口交的恶心画面
这简直摧毁了她在我心目中的形象
我无法忘怀照片中那笑容多么淫荡
我抵抗胸口存在着不安及惶恐
我不断听到痛苦的声音在内心怒吼

**Life's a struggle 日子还要过
品尝喜怒哀乐之后又是数不尽的troubles
Everyday 有多少问题要去面对
有多少夜痛苦烦恼着你无法入睡…

**Life's a struggle 日子还要过
品尝喜怒哀乐之后又是数不尽的troubles
Everyday 有多少问题要去面对
有多少夜痛苦烦恼着你无法入睡…

不论我走到天南不论我走到地北
不论我走到哪都见识到人心的虚伪
It's kinda funny 在人的眼里只有money
外表好像要帮你却只是想帮他自己
笑容可掬的脸后面谁知道是个狼心狗肺
连朋友都能背叛因为只有名利合他口味
她说她爱你的时候讲的是问心无愧
搞不好她爱的是你身后的荣华富贵
你可曾困惑在你身旁谁是敌是友
对你落井下石的可能就是你的挚友
你可曾经历当你最需要帮助的时候
平常跟你称兄道弟的人都突然失踪
亲爱的神伟大的神
你可以怪我想法太过无知但我只是人
我不信人因为人也不信我
不要问我为什么我最多只能告诉你这就是我
生命像海浪一样有时高有时低
你是否告诉自己坚强渡过各种时期
我从命运的天台放眼却看不到星空
漆黑的天空压在头顶使我不得轻松
在我心中找不到一个安静的角落
我不能再沈睡下去良心彷佛在笑我
它在说：有几天几夜老妈曾经为你以泪洗面
老爸他只顾己见希望之火只见熄灭
我接起电话是老爸憔悴的声音
虽没见面却不难想像他当时的神情
刚听完他最近失业的消息
脑海里马上浮现祖母的话警告我一定要争气
我已经放弃所有哭的理由
因为我早就习惯冷漠活在无情的现实里头
人生要如何起头？改变要如何起手？
当活在泥沼中要如何才能金盆洗手？

**Life's a struggle 日子还要过
品尝喜怒哀乐之后又是数不尽的troubles
Everyday 有多少问题要去面对
有多少夜痛苦烦恼着你无法入睡…

**Life's a struggle 日子还要过
品尝喜怒哀乐之后又是数不尽的troubles
Everyday 有多少问题要去面对
有多少夜痛苦烦恼着你无法入睡…

**Life's a struggle 日子还要过
品尝喜怒哀乐之后又是数不尽的troubles
Everyday 有多少问题要去面对
有多少夜痛苦烦恼着你无法入睡…

**Life's a struggle 日子还要过
品尝喜怒哀乐之后又是数不尽的troubles
Everyday 有多少问题要去面对
有多少夜痛苦烦恼着你无法入睡…

Uh...Life's a struggleyeah...Life's a struggle

did u feel,man?...
_______________________________________
song by shawn song. it's about his life. he passed away from bone cancer at the age of 23 in 2002. basically, his life story is very heart-wrenching. and it also has reflections of some parts of our lifes. for those who can read or understand chinese, i apologise. i will translate it but it may take some time cos school's starting and it's a 1300+ words long song. ya. you can link it from my blog to the flash mtv of the song.

2005-06-24T12:15:00.000+08:00

as usual, ignorance is bliss. life is once again, getting sadder. i am sad. my life is sad. everything is sad. this is sad. wondering whether to turn up later or not. if all of them are going to turn up, and no one else other than them, don't really feel like going. since when and why did our relationship become like that? i think i'm at fault. but it's not totally my fault. but it's mostly my fault. urgh. can't think properly now. well, i guess not voicing out my thoughts is my biggest mistake. oh well. heck. don't think can change anything now. i am such a failure. oh well. i'll just be a loner from now on. hey. i am a loner. a loner in a big crowd of people. hah. contradicting. nevermind. no one will understand unless you've been in my shoes. want to let it all out. but this crybaby here is emotional but can't cry at times like this. weird? i contradict myself a lot. that's why i come across as heartless, emotionless, insensitive, etc. you get me. what am i doing here?! i should be studying for my exams! oh well. heck. i'm so bo chap. and i am starting to hate this bo chapness in me. urgh. i should just stop complaining yeah. oh well. sorry to waste your time if you've reached this part of the entry.

2005-06-20T16:26:00.000+08:00

i miss MI.

i am going to go back there one fine day.

and take a look around, i guess.

and look for dha.

yays.

hee.

sigh.

those were the days.

life in sa is getting sad.

suaku. miss you.

2005-06-20T16:17:00.000+08:00

i just want to be as brave as her.

to dare to leave everything behind for her dreams.

i am such a pathetic loser.

oh well. enough of such crapp.

next year.

i will do it.

i am going to fail my promos!!

yes!!

i am going to retain!!

better still.

then, wahahahhaha.

hee.

insane is planning something really bad.

woohoo!!

it's gonna break lots of people's hearts.

but, i don't care.

hee.

just hope i have enough courage.

cos i am a bloody sula.

sigh.

2005-06-14T17:48:00.000+08:00

stolen love.

a great movie.

great theme song.

sigh.

i love the movie.

but the ending is just so sad.

so uncommon.

so non commercial.

so cool. in a different way.

sigh.

2005-06-14T14:37:00.000+08:00

爱一个人原来不易主唱：李彩桦 (Rain Lee)

今天晚上，应该想你，
(jin tian wan shang, ying gai xiang ni,)
(tonight, i should be thinking of you,)
想到凌晨五点二十分。
(xiang dao ling chen 5 dian er shi fen.)
(till 5.20 in the morning.)
窗外下雨，看着旧照片，
(chuang wai xia yu, kan zhe jiu zhao pian,)
(it's raining outside, looking at the old photos,)
想起一起躲雨的日子。
(xiang qi yi qi duo yu de ri zi.)
(remembering the times we shelthered from the rain.)

就算什么都没有，只是不能够，
(jiu suan shen me dou mei you, zhi shi bu neng gou,)
(even if there's nothing left, i just can't,)
在我世界里失去你的消息。
(zai wo shi jie li shi qu ni de xiao xi.)
(afford to lose you.)
如果你在心里，听到这首歌，
(ru guo ni zai xin li, ting dao zhe shou ge,)
(if you hear this song in your heart,)
请告诉我你在哪里。
(qing gao su wo ni zai na li.)
(please inform me of your whereabouts.)

原来爱一个人不容易。
(ai yi ge ren yuan lai bu rong yi.)
(it's so hard to love someone.)
怎么一开始总是永远最甜蜜。
(zen me yi kai shi zong shi yong yuan zui tian mi.)
(why is the start of a relationship always sweet?)
爱你是我一生中最美,
(ai ni shi wo yi zheng zhong zui mei,)
(loving you is the most beautiful thing that has happened to me,)
因为你在我世界里没有代替。
(yin wei ni zai wo shi jie li mei you dai ti.)
(because you are the only unique one in my life, and can't be replaced by anyone.)

就算什么都没有，只是不能够，
(jiu suan shen me dou mei you, zhi shi bu neng gou,)
(even if there's nothing left, i just can't,)
在我世界里失去你的消息。
(zai wo shi jie li shi qu ni de xiao xi.)
(afford to lose you.)
如果你在心里，听到这首歌，
(ru guo ni zai xin li, ting dao zhe shou ge,)
(if you hear this song in your heart,)
请告诉我你在哪里。
(qing gao su wo ni zai na li.)
(please inform me of your whereabouts.)

原来爱一个人不容易。
(ai yi ge ren yuan lai bu rong yi.)
(it's so hard to love someone.)
怎么一开始总是永远最甜蜜。
(zen me yi kai shi zong shi yong yuan zui tian mi.)
(why is the start of a relationship always sweet?)
爱你是我一生中最美，
(ai ni shi wo yi zheng zhong zui mei,)
(loving you is the most beautiful thing that has happened to me,)
因为你在我世界里没有代替。
(yin wei ni zai wo shi jie li mei you dai ti.)
(beause you are the only unique onhe in my life, and can't be replaced by anyone.)

因为你在我世界里没有代替。
(yin wei ni zai wo shi jie li mei you dai ti.)
(beause you are the only unique onhe in my life, and can't be replaced by anyone.)

2005-06-14T14:22:00.000+08:00

ignorance is bliss, they say.
and know what? i agree totally.

some things are really not meant for you to know.
so you really really shouldn't know.
but if by chance, by default, found out.
i only can say,'God Bless.'

only wished i never found out.
but it's too late.
what's done can't be undone.
well, sorry to make the same mistake over again.
thought it'll be different this time round.
too bad. it's not.

well, i realised the mistake long ago.
but didn't have the courage to correct it.
i'm such a coward, such a loser.

sigh.

2005-06-08T22:24:00.000+08:00

Your Expression Number is 3

A natural performer, your destiny lies in writing, speaking, acting, or teaching.Imaginative and unique, you have a natural creative talent in the arts.You're also a natural salesperson. You can easily sell your ideas and yourself.
A total optimist, you are enthusiastic about life and living.You are friendly and social - and people are taken by your charm.Your role in life is to inspire, motivate, and raise others' spirits.
At times, you can seem a bit superficial.Sometimes you're a bit unfocused and too easygoing.You're best off when you don't dwell on trivial matters, especially gossip.

What's" Your Expression Number?

sounds quite like it ya. (:

2005-06-08T21:58:00.000+08:00

Your Element Is Air

You dislike conflict, and you've been able to rise above the angst of the world.And when things don't go your way, you know they'll blow over quickly.
Easygoing, you tend to find joy from the simple things in life.You roll with the punches, and as a result, your life is light and cheerful.
You find it easy to adapt to most situations, and you're an open person.With you, what you see is what you get... and people love that!

What's" Your Element?

sounds like me? comment. hee.

2005-06-07T17:54:00.000+08:00

okay. went to study with mellie today. haha. reached dam late la. the latest i've been for a date. hee.

sigh. summation sucks. ahh!! i hate maths. sigh.but no worries, t3aRdr0p will survive and do well. after all, her ultimate aim is maths s paper. hahahahhaaa. i know this is the joke of the century but it's something to keep me going. not like it's helping la. hee.

my discman has died on me!! ahh!! sorry cheryl. but i think it's only the battery cos i can listen using the adaptor. sigh. more money is going into battery buying. i'm broke!!

and, my dear grace just informed me that she can't make it on froday. now now now, i can't decide whether to go or not. cos i really don't want to be there by myself. think i'll just go and take a look but won't go up. stupid grace's choir meeting!! sigh.

still can't get baobei. sigh. really hope she's not waiting for my call. let's just hope she has forgotten about the fact that i'm going to call her. baobei, if you are waiting, i'm realy really really sorry. sigh. think i'll just send her a mail. sigh. miss her. stepho too. and everyone else not in town. dearies, i miss you guys!!

2005-06-07T17:47:00.000+08:00

i think energy is bad. the formation of it is bad. all these years, i've wasted so much energy, time and tears on them. why did i even buy their first album? cos of daniel. man, am i stupid? how did i go from daniel to energy? it should have never happened. then, it'll have saved so much. sigh. but they gave me happy times too. and a lot og good friends like nexa, nana and clu. even though we were never really really close (the three of you were though), we shared a bond. i really treasure our friendship. miss you guys. tCare.

2005-06-07T17:31:00.000+08:00

just last night, i was listening to my energy album when i rememebered that i used to cry to a song. i couldn't remember the song cos of my really bad memory. i can't remember the title, the singer or even why i could cry. then, after some time, i remembered. it's "jie li sai" by r&b featuring toro. now i think i know why.

i'm already starting to miss energy, just by listening to their songs and looking at the words they had written. i even visited the jiazu started by mich and i (though it's mostly her work). it's been a long long time since i've been there. i actually missed it. can't believe it yeah.

2005-06-07T00:06:00.000+08:00

baobei, i miss you. i tried calling you yesterday but i don't know why i just cant get to you. i think the calling card sucks. or maybe, the connection sucks more. i tried and tried. just couldn't get to you. i'm so tired of trying aimlessly. but since it's for you, i won't give up hope cos i know you are at the oterh end of the phone waiting for my call and i promise to call right? i'll still try now. i'll try and try and try till i get you, even if it means paying normal overseas call rate. keep the faith. i will get to you. baobei, deng wo. wo bu hui pian ni de. yao dui wo you xin xing. baobei, xiang ni.

2005-06-06T23:45:00.000+08:00

i don't know what's the use of a blog. to make people feel good of themselves? to allow people to have another side of them? to allow poeple to voice opinions they never dared to in real life? better still, to make others feel for them. to allow themselvs to dwell in self pity. at least, that's what i think of a blog.

then, one may ask, why did you keep a blog? since it's like nothing good and everything bad. well, it's a side of me. it's to allow me to dwell in self pity. to allow myself to show the other side of me. and of course, to allow others to feel sorry for me. i'm just as sad case as everyone else.

others may first start having a blog to follow the trand, to be hip. then, after some time, to dwell in self pity. i think bloggers really have a sad life. hah.

and yes, you have have already realised, this post is about me dwelling in self pity and indeed, i am pitying myself. okay people, let's all have a minute of self pity.

done?

good for you. see you next entry:) if you even decide to come back and read.

ps. oh ya, and i know i such big time for daring to voice out something you guys know in your heart but dare not believe in. then again, isn't that what's a blog for? people, wake up and dare to believe yeah. be it good or bad. cos that's what our lifes are made up of. dreams and belief. God Bless.

2005-06-01T20:58:00.000+08:00

你记得吗

你记得吗我曾试探着对你讲
将来一定会把你娶回家
赚很多钱给你花你
当时红着脸低着头跑回家
很长时间再也没有和我说话

你记得吗我们一起玩攀崖
为了不让你受惊吓
我不小心磕破了下巴
看着你心痛的模样
我觉得自己很伟大

我知道你怕吃辣喜欢
喝珍珠奶茶
我知道你怕别人说闲话
才会故意到离家很远的地方和我玩
我知道你怕惹麻烦
才会违背心愿地跟我装傻
我是一个真正的男子汉
不会让你担惊受怕

great song by yanbing!! ahma intro one. man..it's so sweet!! haha. went k yesterday. haha. was supposed to go bookfair la. due to a certain reason (we got lost), we went to k instead. haha. it was great!! we were just singing and singing. and dancing and dancing. ohh..the drooling over leehom, alex and nicholas!! haha. it was dam cool. and of course, we rock!! haha.

突然累了 曲：林俊杰词：林秋离

吃饭吃到睡了我开车开到傻了
我看书看到你了开始怀疑我怎么了
说话说到吐了我写歌写到疯了

我爱你爱到盲了
天知道我又怎么了
不舍得舍不得都分手了
舍不得不舍得散了(爱是你的我是我的完了)

原来我只是突然累了原来我不说了
原来我撑着撑到麻了原来我不爱了

a song by jj. cool song. i love the lyrics la. dam cool. i mean the way it's written. whoa. i like the way he ends with the le. and the she bu de, bu she de. cool sia. hee. watched too much of mtv these days. haha. shows are boring la so i can only watch mtv. the mvs kept on repeating la. i must be very good with all the mvs now. haha. okay. crapp. hee. i love MTV!!!

2005-06-01T20:34:00.000+08:00

Long ago, there was a bird who sang but just once in her life.
From the moment she left the nest,
She searched the longest leaf for a thorn tree,
Never resting until she found one.
Then she began to singmore sweetly than any other creature on the face of the earth.
But carry away in the rapturous honor song,
She impaled herself on the longest sharpest thorn.
As she was dying,
She rose above her own agony to out-sing even the lark and the nightingale.
The thorn bird traded her life for that one song and
The whole world was captured to listen.
And God, in his heaven smiles~

As her very best was brought out only of the cost of great pain.
Driven by the thorn, with no fear for her death to come.
But when we push the thorn into our breast,
We know..
We understand..
And still.. we choose the pain of the thorn

意译:
传说中
有一种鸟一生只鸣唱一次
当牠离开巢穴的那一天起就永不停歇地寻找着世上最长的荆棘
当牠找到时
就会将自己的胸膛朝着最长最尖的刺撞去
在最深最刻苦的痛中
引亢(口部)高歌而这样的歌声超越了牠自身的痛楚
声音无与伦比感人肺腑
就连世人以为声音甜美的云雀或夜莺都不能与之相比刺鸟从不惧死亡的降临
以牠的生命作为换取世上最美丽歌声的代价
而当我们迎向最深刻的痛
我们知道我们将无所畏惧因为
"唯有经历着最深沉的痛楚才能换取最美好的事物"

刺鸟曲：F.I.R. 词：F.I.R./谢宥慧

也许就是要等一百个世纪
我们才能够发现真爱的美丽

龙舌兰的花朵不代表讯绚丽
选择燃烧了自己将真爱延续

就像刺鸟的宿命悲剧却勇敢
用生命交换结局的灿烂

天上的风被谁推开
温暖的手是你的爱
我还在等待等待你的爱
真实呼喊

天空晴朗心情很蓝
紧握的手决不松开
怎么不回来怎么不回来
刺鸟呼唤

天空晴朗心情很蓝
紧握的手决不松开
我穿越伤害最美的答案
是你的爱
_____________________________________________________
i like this song. i like the story of the thorn bird. how true it is. only when we suffer, is the very best brought out.

2005-05-16T21:18:00.000+08:00

it's been many many days since i last blogged. everyday, i come online with the intention to blog, with lots in my mind to say but somehow, things just don't get done the minute i come online.

i wanted to have an entry about me being an insecure child last friday. finally, i'm going to write it today.

i'm an insecure and i hide my insecurities with loudness.
i hide my insecurities with my crap.
i hide my insecurities by talking a bit too much.
i hide my insecurities by being super duper friendly.
but, i am an insecure child.
why am i insecure?
i have no idea.
i just know i am an insecure child.
maybe i am afraid of loneliness that's why i want company.
but at times, or should i say most of the time,
i prefer to be alone.
i am a schizo. definitely.
being two extremes.
loud and quiet.
friendly and anti-social.
i am just insecure.

where is your broad shoulders for me to hide behind whenever i need it.

anyway, i feel left out.
where, i shall not say.
i just want to put it across that i feel left out.
but, this isn't new. i'm always feeling left out.
i never really belonged.
it's been like this for the past who-knows-how-many years of my life.
hah. life is a joke played on me by the one above.

i am happy.
i am not.
i am happy.
i am not.
i am not sure whether i am happy or not.
i am just living this life with made up happiness.
i am just an empty shell that goes around laughing and talking loudly.
i am just me.

but, i am sure i do feel really happy at times.
so for those who doubt that i'm happy while being with them,
maybe i was really happy that day, that time, that particular moment.
i guess you people should know whether i am really happy or not.
cos you are the closest to me.

i have wasted too much emotions in this entry.
hah.
just like in the past.
am i becoming who i was again?
maybe being her was better than being me.

end off with a thought:
do you prefer the previous me or the present me?

2005-04-30T18:46:00.000+08:00

yesterday was nexa's birthday. i didn't go for her party. sorry girl. have stuff on. happy belated 17th birthday yeah.

went out with my beloved after sports day. had dinner at PS after that, we strolled downtown. walked and stoned aimlessly before settling down at cine's food court for a drink. left soon after that. it was a great trip.

oh..sports day sucked so much. we only had like one event?! the inter-class relay. suck la. our class was in the 7th heats so we had to endure the sun and stuff till our turn finally comes. wah, we screamed our lungs out can. but sadly, they didn't hear us. wasted sia. didn't do very well too but nevermind la, considering we wanted to draw out of the event and didn't get the last place. haha. i don't think my phrasing is right but who cares. hee.

i love my class!! haha.

and seems like she found out that we all don't like her. cos julius said something about her without knowing she was nearby. and she heard. haha. it was during band la. so if anything happens, we can just say it's julius. hahaha. evil people.

study time tmr!! cya people there. mwahhs.

2005-04-27T21:13:00.000+08:00

we were kicked out of econs tutorial today. it should be we weren't even let in. there's no bell for that particular period and we got carried away doing our chemistry practical so we went for econs class about 10 minutes late. our econs tutor was so pissed at us cos we passed that 7 minutes only mark. so we weren't allowed in the class. so a free period la. but honestly, no matter how much we don't like that guy, we won't do such a thing just to skip class okay. if ms chia ever screams at us for it, i hope i can keep it down. for the sake of me and the others. cos it's really a big group. about ten of us. which is 1/3 of the class.
_________________________________________________
only had GP today after all. thanks to being locked out of econs class. spent the rest of the day in the ava and hall, listening to pros playing the piano. i really didn't know so many guys know how to play the piano till today. and my, they are good!! i like this particular J2 cos when he plays, you can feel the music in your blood. he is really good. i think no one i know can beat him. i am going to miss his pieces so much.
_________________________________________________
only today then i found out that a lot of people in my class listen to chinese music. for my normal group of people, they all listen la. but even people like samuel, khai nam and EVEN moses eh. maybe moses don't really listen but he knows that song by guang liang, tong hua. not bad yeah. considering it's a rather new song. and he heard it yesterday somemore. wah. shocked after i heard that.
_________________________________________________
chunkiat has a match tomorrow and i can't make it again. sorry man. but i hope he wins. so i can make it to the next match, which also happens to be the finals. jiayou!!
_________________________________________________
miss the dots so much. hope to go back soon. like next week or next next week or next next next week. some time soon la. yups.

2005-04-26T21:04:00.000+08:00

i have a lot to say. but somehow, i don't seem to remember everything i want to say. i'll try to remember k.
____________________________________________
firstly, today's fel bday. love you ahma!! hee. had fun. laughed alot. we rock. hee.
____________________________________________
like what mich and jo said, i think we are really of different characters. we shouldn't click. how did we in the first place, i don't know. just knew that i've put up for a long time. finally, i can let it go. (:
____________________________________________
i know i am irritating, violent and a total bitch. i'm sorry that i can't change me even though i do try to be a little better. i also know that a lot of people don't like me. they do try to hide the fact but i can see. really. so i also try to act as if i don't know about it, so as not to spoil whatever relationship we have. i suck.
_____________________________________________
i finally see. i finally figured out who are the ones that will stay by me when the whole world abandons me. i believe ling will. hopefully grace and bever. life is so tiring. life is so sad. life is...

2005-04-22T21:11:00.000+08:00

heya!! back. these days ah, my life is so boring. haha. just go school, go out then go home. sian sia. heee. but the trips out are great!! haha. lots of gossiping and bitching was done during that period. =D

oh. just found out that the whole world don't like her today. haha. actually only about or more than half the class la. haha. dam funny la. we went to the LT earlier cos we can't find seats in the cafe and ta da!! out comes all the bitching. haha. i just so love my class!! 79 is da best!! mwahhs!!

2005-04-18T20:20:00.000+08:00

i am happy and sad.

firstly, happy cos eg is not splitting up. that stupid concert name la. like what the hell.
then also happy cos nexa is not migrating after all. all cos of that april fool's joke ehr mom played on her.
thirdly, we (sajc) won acjc at the soccer match. 1-0. yay! we rock the house down man. woohoo!! hee.

sad cos i can't remember why. hee. aiyah. my memory really getting very bad.

anyway, bryan just commented that fiona, huiqi and i are very se. haha. just cos we kept on looking for cute guys and ask if the guy that any of us is talking about is cute. haha. you call this se? he ah..funny la. then huiqi said,"you also always commenting on esmine ma." hahahaaaahhaa. this is the funniest line ever la. like whatever. haha. he seems quite irritated after that, even more especially after we mentioned her. haha. we ah, the bitch club really rocks man. hee. oh..i will intro the bitch club one fine day when i decided that i'm free enough. hee. up till today ah, i still harbour hopes of blogging about what happened since school started but never had the energy or time to do it. hee. excuses. k la. i better go and try to understand some maths since i have a test this thurs. uh oh. hee. talk to you peeps again some other day. (:

love ya. muacks.

2005-04-15T22:53:00.000+08:00

i feel really sad. seems like i always blog whenever i feel sad. like what ah ma tells me.

i'm feelin sad cos eg is splitting. even though it's something i know, something that i always wanted it to come true, but when it's like almost true, i'm feelin really sad. they are like the first ever band that i really liked. and they are also the first to split. i hope i can go for their concert in july. i gotta start saving from now.

i'm feelin sad too cos of a few lost relationship. i thought i wanted it to happen too. but seems like it's a wrong decision too. i really think i'm a schizo. i'm going to apologize now and hope to get a little stuff back. as in the feelings.

i'm feelin sad too cos nexa might be migrating to australia soon. i hope it doesn't come true. cos i am so going to miss her. miss all the times we spend together. miss everything. everything single memory. especially, miss her.

i miss you! and i love you! tCare.

2005-03-23T21:34:00.000+08:00

i am sad.
i am empty.
i am frustrated.
i am losing faith.
i am not as happy-go-lucky as i seem.
i am..me.

sigh. the world is so unfair.
i am not happy with it.

i miss all you people.
i miss you guys alot.
really alot.
especially chaiyi.
i miss you so much.
why can't you come back?
why don't you want to share your problems with me?
and instead, just crying to yourself.
it hurts inside me, you know.
i miss you.

2005-03-18T22:43:00.000+08:00

history
today is the end of everything. everything that has happened is finally history. aren't i glad, even though i'm not supposed to be.
i'm free. free from the memories. free from the past. free.
never felt better.
but, am i really happy? i wonder.

2005-03-09T20:25:00.000+08:00

is it just a coincidence or what? i prefer to know it as fate. i keep on seeing you today. so many times. just when i'm supposed to be forgetting you. well, fated ya.

no mood to blog about anything. don't know what to blog about too.

anyway, suaku, i love you! you can go on loving the other girl but you gotta remember my love for you too.

[love you to the sun and hope to come back in one piece / right here waiting / jade and belle forever]

*you complete me*

2005-03-01T21:48:00.000+08:00

all this while, i knew i will be leaving MI soon. but i never really mentally prepared myself for this day to arrive. it seem to arrive too soon. ok. i know i'm not making any sense. my life in MI is almost over. down to one last week. and i bet 3/4 or more won't be going back. so we have unofficially ended our life in MI.

i'm really missing you guys so much. had an og outing on sunday. couldn't bear to leave that night. really wish that night will not come to an end and we will always be that bunch of happy people. but, reality has brought us back, our results too. today, most of us are wondering where to go. chances of getting in the same school again is low. maybe one or two MI people but definitely not everyone. this is a selfish though but i'm actually hoping that the MI life will not end. we will just be that bunch of happy people going there to study, to play, to slack, to enjoy pae.

during my short stay in MI, i met a lot of great people. however short the time i've known them, they brought me memories that i hope to remember for the rest of my life.

my og mates: zhixuan, kenneth, kenny, calvin, mervyn, bryan, masthan, jamas, liang yu, xu jie, sze cheng, garcia, germaine, louisa, vina, min min, regina, lee chiu, daphne, larissa, sem, sharlene, jasmine, christina, faizal, basitd(ogl).
thanks for all the great times you guys gave me during orientation, mornings and og outings. even though most of you didn't turn up of outings, i do hope you will one day. if we even have another one.
(i didnt remember all of them, i took this off the post on 3rd jan)

my classmates: dhava, liyu, jianwei, priya, yericca, louisa, huibing, florina, liting, aisha, rita, rachel, rekha, saliha, kah mun, jane, audrey, dorinda, cindy chan, cindy tandrow, jiaqi, safi, stam, leon, chengkai, franklin, alson, jingzhi, eileen.
thanks for the times in class. for the times outside class. for everything. 05SF is remembered.

others: zhizhong, guotai, bobby, natasha, amanda, ethan, ernest, yong xiang, ching sian, kum soon, fiona(from ytss), fiona(from my chinese class), the friend of guotai from braddell-west who refuses to tell me his name, syahmi, charmaine, nisha, monisha, bryan, li hui, crystal, rachel(diamond), roslynn, diviana, skq, keith, jinghao, amelia, liling, felicia, magdalene, shuling, the group of friends of yeri,xiao ping.
your presence is much appreciated. thanks for being part of my MI life.
(will add in more names when i remember and sorry for any spelling mistakes)

don't think will add in people from st margs because i already know them beforehand.

just wanna tell you people, i love you to da core!! try not to forget me, even though i can't promise i won't. stay funky and happening. tCare.

2005-02-21T18:35:00.000+08:00

okie. unblocked. so here i am back with something about my life. as usual, my life is boring. went out with jac, ching sian and his friend, by the name kam sing, i think. okay. as usual, stoned. should be they chatted but it was too noisy for me to make out what they were talking about so i stoned :)

these days, i think i am really lovesick. i kept on going around telling people i love them and i miss them. maybe i do. maybe, i just felt like doing it. no matter what, i love you peeps.

went to aunt's house on sat. love it so much. played bball with cousins. my beloved cousins. love you peeps so much. especially robin. my beloved kor. love ya to da core!!

girl girl finally have a name. ashleigh. she's so cute. peeling though. feels really disgusting but hey, she's girl girl. definitely cute!! heh.

crap. really crappy. starting to write out the list of people i know in MI. so i can go and give them credits of knowing me when i leave the school :)

love you peeps. tCare. cya arnd. muacks.

2005-02-21T18:12:00.000+08:00

wanted to write alot. but once i come now, writer's block. happens all the time. wait till i unblock before posting. cya arnd.

2005-02-17T17:52:00.000+08:00

today
well..today has a really great start cos i finally managed to wake up the minute my alarm rang to do my chemistry assignment. i've been tryin to do that for the past few days but only finally suceeded today. yays. i can finally hand it up. heh. was hummin happily on the car. don't know why too. just felt happy and blissful. couldn't help smiling like an idiot. heh. i think i am an idiot. =D

went for chemistry practical eventually after much debating about whether to pon or not. well..the whole class wasn't ready to pon as a class. there are just some goody-two-shoes around. those that take lots of notes and bothers to ask teachers questions. hey, but managed to pon econs lecture. haha. only liting,lousia,alson,jingzhi and leon turned up. dam fuuny la. all of us were slacking and crapping in the library. were discussing about the class outing but as usual, nothing was done in the end. just crapped too much. was caught by ths fierce teacher who decided to give us a second chance so we just took our bags and went back to the LT area. didn't go to the lecture though. just stood around the benches and acted as if we were having break. heh.

went out with syahmi,jac,ching sian and hunk after school to get jac's present. bought her a bracelet and bought syahmi a belt. ate at cine and hanged around, walking aimlessly in ngee ann. syahmi left to pick up her sister while the rest of us decided to sit on the steps leading to lucky plaza. changed destination and went to stone at the steps at orchard mrt instead. meet fel. she wanted jac to follow her to ps but jac refused. after so teasing from ching sian and hunk, she just took her bag and went off to ps to look for fel. we were shocked and decided to follow her since we have nothing to do. tease her more while waiting for train. she's dam funny la.

reached ps and looked for fel. only managed to say hi before she gotta rush off to catch a movie. so the four of us were left stranded in ps. decided on sitting near the life lobby and arcade. ching sian went in to play while hunk read. jac and i just gossiped and stoned. went home after that.

really very stoney day. don't know what's up with us man. always stoning whenever we go out. funny people. heh. =D crap. off liao. cya. love ya peeps. tCare. muacks.

2005-02-15T17:54:00.000+08:00

you
you said i'm sweet. ya. i know that.
you said i'm like your little sister. right.
lost for words.
lovin you, love me.

2005-02-12T23:12:00.000+08:00

finally updatin
okie. i'm finally appearin after so long. sorry if you guys were waitin for my updates :) there's actually nothing much to say la. except that i'm goin to poly for good and my cutie little cousin is born!! she's so cute!! will put up so pics when i finally get them in cam. if you wanna look at her pics now, jus tell me when you see me. i have them in my phone. she's so so so so cute and tiny!! like a little hammie. =D k la. have a great weekend! love ya!

2005-01-14T21:27:00.000+08:00

st margs
i miss st margs. i miss it so so so much. i miss all the people there. i miss the building. i miss the canteen. i miss the library. i miss the ITRs. i miss the hall. i miss the guides' room. i miss mrs lee. i miss everything.

was talking to mervyn and he told me that he decided to stay in MI. not bad. so i welcomed him back and he said he never left. then he wrote a line from a poem for VS : we never really come back to you Victoria, for we never really left
written by professor edwin thumboo, who happens to be the english language head at NUS. he was an ex-student. i gotta give him the copyrights.

after looking at this sentence, i got all emotional. images of st margs flashed through my mind. feel like crying. i miss it so so much, even though i just went back today. the days spent there were one of my greatest. still remember i was afraid to go back last thursday. now, i just want to go back so much. but, i can never do it again. because i don't really belong there anymore. to be able to go back fully, everyone has to be back. everything has to go back. mrs lee, stanley, ms wong, all my classes.

though my body has left, my soul still remains. the st margs spirit is still there.

i'm talking rubbish. my sentences don't link. nevermind. cya around. take care. miss you like crazy.

just me.

好眼淚壞眼淚 唐禹哲客串演出

好眼淚壞眼淚唐禹哲客串演出